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Some college students choose to take courses in a variety in order to get a broad education. Others choose to focus on a single subject area in order to have a deeper understanding of that area. Which approach do you think is better and why? v.1

Some college students choose to take courses in a variety in order to get a broad education. Others choose to focus on a single subject area in order to have a deeper understanding of that area. Which approach do you think is better and why? v. 1
Some suggest that the penalty of law-breaking action should be equal for all levels, so that way are thought to be more effective to deal with evil doers in the law organization. This essay will be discussed both the advantages and disadvantages of the spoken statement. On the one hand, having the same sentences for all malicious action indeed have several advantages. Two of which are time effective and resource saving. Firstly, while the current system is opined as time consuming since it needs various steps in order to make one chastisement, the new suggested system provides a much faster procedure because of the less bureaucracy. Secondly, as a result of the faster decision, the less is man and other operational cost needed. Thus it should reduce the budget requirement and the amount of funds can be moved into another factor such as food. On the other hand, while the mentioned system before has some advantages, it also contains disadvantages. The first to mention is the unfairness between the high level and low level crime offenders. Justice means to treat all the defendant not only equally, but also appropriately and the worst case is, it can lead into the human rights violation. Moreover, another thing which should become attention is the social problems that may occur. If this kind of scheme becomes true, people will become less emphatic towards the justice as they will have the same sentences either it is a light or heavy illegal activities. By all means, the condition in the society may become chaotic. To sum it up, indeed making the same punition between perpetrators does have some benefits, but the consequences of the new rule should be deliberated in order to reach a fair and just verdict in the law system.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
suggest that the penalty of law-breaking action should be equal for all levels,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that way are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to be more effective to deal with evil doers in the law organization. This essay will
be discussed
both the advantages and disadvantages of the spoken statement.

On the one hand, having the same sentences for all malicious action
indeed
have several advantages. Two of which are time effective and resource saving.
Firstly
, while the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
is opined
as
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
time consuming
since it needs various steps in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
one chastisement, the new suggested
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
provides a much faster procedure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the less bureaucracy.
Secondly
,
as a result
of the faster decision, the less is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
and other operational cost needed.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
it should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the budget requirement and the amount of funds can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
into another factor such as food.

On the other hand
, while the mentioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages, it
also
contains disadvantages. The
first
to mention is the unfairness between the high level and low level crime offenders. Justice means to treat all the defendant not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
equally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
appropriately
and the worst case is, it can lead into the human rights violation.
Moreover
, another thing which should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
attention is the social problems that may occur. If this kind of scheme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
true,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
less emphatic towards the justice as they will have the same sentences either it is a light or heavy illegal activities. By all means, the condition in the society may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
chaotic.

To sum it up,
indeed
making the same
Possible spelling mistake found.
punition
between perpetrators does have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the consequences of the new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
should
be deliberated
in order to reach a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
verdict in the law
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some college students choose to take courses in a variety in order to get a broad education. Others choose to focus on a single subject area in order to have a deeper understanding of that area. Which approach do you think is better and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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