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Some people think that vertical city is the best, where people live and work in tall buildings. Others think that horizontal city is better, where there are few tall buildings. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that vertical city is the best, where people live and work in tall buildings. Others think that horizontal city is better, where there are few tall buildings. v. 1
Technology has brought about increasing insights through mobile devices and computers all over the globe. It is also believed that the availability of the world wide web is without charge. On one hand, this is beneficial to the society chiefly because knowledge is power and even more, a platform that enables someone to easily have access to ideas he would otherwise not have in his immediate environment is emancipating. On the other hand, there are negative exposures that could emanate from the internet. This essay will thus discuss the benefits and detriments of access to electronic information. To start with, classrooms now have no boundaries because of the internet and it is possible for someone in a remote village in Nigeria for instance to have a real-time online tutorial on the production of engines with a tutor in China. Even more, in some climes, the residents do not even need to pay to access it. This would in turn allow people to further their learning which will also transform to a better educated and more prosperous society. The negative side effects to an unencumbered access to information online is that a lot of people will take advantage of it to fuel evil instincts that could otherwise have been remained latent. An instance is where a boy that is not older than twelve out of boredom decides to play around on his smartphone and then encounters a pornographic material he should not know about until he is older and wiser. Another instance is where an innocent religious girl is deluded by some extremist members of an insurgent group on twitter to join them in perpetuating violence and also run away from her family. These are just a few of the negative impacts of online activities. To conclude, while the benefits of of electronic interactions can be tremendous, there is a need by the government to place adequate restrictions on how these activities play out to discourage negative influences and occurrences.
Technology has brought about increasing insights through mobile devices and computers all over the globe. It is
also
believed that the availability of the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
world wide web
is without charge. On one hand, this is beneficial to the society
chiefly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
knowledge is power and even more, a platform that enables someone to
easily
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
he would
otherwise
not have in his immediate environment is emancipating.
On the other hand
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
exposures that could emanate from the internet. This essay will
thus
discuss the benefits and detriments of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to electronic information.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, classrooms
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
have no boundaries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the internet and it is possible for someone in a remote village in Nigeria
for instance
to have a real-time online tutorial on the production of engines with a tutor in China. Even more, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
climes, the residents do not even need to pay to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
it. This would in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
further
their learning which will
also
transform to a better educated and more prosperous society.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
side effects to an unencumbered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to information online is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will take advantage of it to fuel evil instincts that could
otherwise
have
been remained
latent. An instance is where a boy
that is
not older than twelve out of boredom decides to play around on his smartphone and then encounters a pornographic material he should not know about until he is older and wiser. Another instance is where an innocent religious girl
is deluded
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extremist members of an insurgent group on twitter to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
them in perpetuating violence and
also
run away from her family. These are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a few of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
impacts of online activities.

To conclude
, while the benefits
Possible typo: you repeated a word
of of
electronic interactions can be tremendous, there is a need by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to place adequate restrictions on how these activities play out to discourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
influences and occurrences.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that vertical city is the best, where people live and work in tall buildings. Others think that horizontal city is better, where there are few tall buildings. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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