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The line graph compares the percentage of people in three countries who used the Internet between 1999 and 2009 v.1

The line graph compares the percentage of people in three countries who used the Internet between 1999 and 2009 v. 1
It is often argued, these days it is getting challenging for the graduates to get a job in their respective fields of expertise. This could be due to the mismanagement by the Government and the private sector to appoint people. The solution would be getting flexible and implement a fair merit system. I believe the primary reason for not getting a field-related job after graduation is an unfair system and appointments. In many countries, there are no specific criteria about how to select a proper person for the appropriate position, which could be due to a flawed system and corrupt officials. When graduates apply for a job, they made many objections to them, and one would be less experience. As a result, the right person has not been selected and ends up doing the job which is not related to their field, and sometimes can lead to depression among the educated professionals. For example, when a highly trained professional who migrated from their parent country to different western countries for better opportunities. They are ended by driving a taxi or Uber or doing other menial jobs due to their super time-consuming system and never-ending wait time. In my opinion, the solution to this problem is quite challenging because the flawed system has many aspects; therefore it's supremely hard to manage or correct. However, if this problem could be handled with sincerity, delicacy, and good intention, it would be solved. When concerned regulated bodies should be flexible towards their rules related to experience, for instance and scrutinized people with positive intentions. As a consequence, many people can do jobs in which they are trained. Just a stepping stone could be when the rules related to experience could be relaxed and adequately differentiate for young and older graduates can impact the lives of many professionals positively. In conclusion, the tertiary level graduates are not succeeding in getting the job in their respective fields these days due to the unfair appointing system, and the solution could be relaxing the concerned authorities should be more accommodating.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued, these days it is getting challenging for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in their respective fields of expertise. This could be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the mismanagement by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
and the private sector to appoint
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. The solution would be getting flexible and implement a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
merit system.

I believe the primary reason for not getting a field-related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
after graduation is an unfair
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
and appointments. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, there are no specific criteria about how to select a proper person for the appropriate position, which could be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to a flawed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
and corrupt officials. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
apply for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, they made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
objections to them, and one would be less experience.
As a result
, the right person has not
been selected
and ends up doing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
which is not related to their field, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
can lead to depression among the educated professionals.
For example
, when a
highly
trained professional who migrated from their parent country to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
western countries for better opportunities. They
are ended
by driving a taxi or Uber or doing other menial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to their super time-consuming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
and never-ending wait time.

In my opinion, the solution to this problem is quite challenging
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the flawed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects;
therefore
it's
supremely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to manage or correct.
However
, if this problem could
be handled
with sincerity, delicacy, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
intention, it would
be solved
. When concerned regulated bodies should be flexible towards their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
related to experience,
for instance
and scrutinized
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
intentions. As a consequence,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in which they
are trained
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
a stepping stone could be when the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
related to experience could
be relaxed
and
adequately
differentiate for young and older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
can impact the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
professionals
positively
.

In conclusion
, the tertiary level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
are not succeeding in getting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in their respective fields these days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the unfair appointing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
, and the solution could be relaxing the concerned authorities should be more accommodating.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The line graph compares the percentage of people in three countries who used the Internet between 1999 and 2009 v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
342 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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