Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The two line graph compares between men and women for smoking rates in per 1000 person. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.1

The two line graph compares between men and women for smoking rates in per 1000 person.
Increasing crime is now getting a major difficulty issue in our nation. For this, many arguments arose today to reduce this violation. Some individuals say that longer prisoner punishment is the best way to curb crime, whereas others opine that some reflective activities like education, vocational training and rehabilitation are better ways. I strongly think that offenders should be punished according to their offence, but at the same time they need to get proper training and counselling so that they realized their faults and gets rid of their situations and for this treatment, we permanently curd the crimes in our community. This essay will delve into these viewpoints with relevant examples in support of my opinions. There are many arguments occurring with this matter. People argue that there should not be a mixture with social people and criminals for our peaceful life. There lived many insane persons like serial killer; child abuser; blackmailer may hamper our normal social life; even they can fill our lives in danger, if they lived with us. They should be sentenced long term in the jail so that victims may live safely in their houses. They should be kept away from all the social activities and it will be a help to combat transgressions in our world. For instance, a survey reported that, when lawbreakers gets a serious punishment, then, people get aware about that case and this discourage them to break the law. As a result, the numbers of social lawlessness decreased at a strange way. On the other hand, some believed that man involves wrong works because of their poverties and peer pressures. Sometimes, they felt guilty for their misdeeds and tried to be a good person, but harsh penalties do not give them that chance. Therefore, in the bar, if they get particular rehabilitation and counselling, then they will realize that they were wrong and they become to be perfect persons. Besides that, whenever they released from the jail, public does not accept them and as a result, they do the same deeds again. For this, if they have re-education and job based vocational training then they will try to do good works to survive their lives after punished. For this, wrongdoing will be rise down from our country. To sum up, we should hate crimes, not criminals. We should focus on the cause of misdemeanour and should reduce the possibilities of these causes. So, give proper trainings and advised instead of harsher punishments to a criminal, can make our country free from misconduct.
Increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
getting a major difficulty issue in our nation. For this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
arguments arose
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
this violation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals say that longer prisoner punishment is the best way to curb
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, whereas others opine that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reflective activities like education, vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
and rehabilitation are better ways. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that offenders should
be punished
according to their
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same time they need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
get
proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
and counselling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they realized their faults and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gets
rid of their situations and for this treatment, we
permanently
curd the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
in our community. This essay will delve into these viewpoints with relevant examples in support of my opinions.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
arguments occurring with this matter.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
argue that there should not be a mixture with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and criminals for our peaceful life. There
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
insane persons like serial killer; child abuser; blackmailer may hamper our normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
life; even they can fill our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
, if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
with us. They should
be sentenced
long term in the jail
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that victims may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
safely
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
. They should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
away from all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
activities and it will be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to combat transgressions in our world.
For instance
, a survey reported that, when lawbreakers
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "get".
gets
a serious punishment, then,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
get
aware about that case and this discourage them to break the law.
As a result
, the numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
lawlessness decreased at a strange way.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believed that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
involves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
works
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
Possible spelling mistake found.
poverties
and peer pressures.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, they felt
The usual collocation for "guilty" is "of" not "for". Did you mean "guilty of"?
guilty for
their misdeeds and tried to be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
person,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
harsh penalties do not give them that chance.
Therefore
, in the bar, if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
get
particular rehabilitation and counselling, then they will realize that they were
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
wrong and
they become to be perfect persons.

Besides
that, whenever they released from the jail, public does not accept them and
as a result
, they do the same deeds again. For this, if they have re-education and job based vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
then they will try to do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
works to survive their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
after punished. For this, wrongdoing will be rise down from our country.

To sum up, we should hate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
, not criminals. We should focus on the cause of
Possible spelling mistake found.
misdemeanour
and should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the possibilities of these causes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, give proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trainings
and advised
instead
of harsher punishments to a criminal, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our country free from misconduct.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The two line graph compares between men and women for smoking rates in per 1000 person.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
422 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts