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The chart below shows the number of travellers using three major airports in New York City between 1995 and 2000. v.1

The chart below shows the number of travellers using three major airports in New York City between 1995 and 2000. v. 1
It is a general thought in today's society some people have gifted skills, such as musical or athletic, which they have with them since their birth, while others think that a learner can become proficient in any skill. Although it is certain that having inborn winning skills are necessary, I believe if people train their children with rigorous determination and hard work, their children can compete with any person who is born with those skills. On the one hand, it is certainly true that some people have exceptional innate skills which others do not. This is because several famous personalities have demonstrated that they were exceptional kids during their childhood and outperformed in their specific category in which they were the best. For instance, a renowned singer, Sherry Hilton, is known for his peaceful vocal, which is one in hundreds, and this unique vocal is gifted because no other person even if gets the best training cannot compete with him. On the other hand, it is argued that with proper techniques and motivation, any child can learn the circumstances that can make them proficient in any field. This is because continuous hard work is a foundation of success, and it is not acceptable to say that people with innate skills become successful over others without even trying to learn the process to gain the skills. For instance, a well- known swimmer, named Jane, was an average swimmer like every other child in his class until he got into the best swimming school, where he learned some unique methods and received motivation to be focused on daily goals, and today he is the considered as one of the best swimmers in the world. In conclusion, as long as a consistent course is being followed with determination on a daily basis, anyone can attain the skills that some people are born with; however, some individuals stand out among numerous participants because of the gifted extraordinary skills.
It is a general
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have gifted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, such as musical or athletic, which they have with them since their birth, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that a learner can become proficient in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
. Although it is certain that having inborn winning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are necessary, I believe if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
train their children with rigorous determination and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work, their children can compete with any person who
is born
with those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

On the one hand, it is
certainly
true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have exceptional innate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
which others do not. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
personalities have demonstrated that they were exceptional kids during their childhood and outperformed in their specific category in which they were the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
.
For instance
, a renowned singer, Sherry Hilton,
is known
for his peaceful vocal, which is one in hundreds, and this unique vocal
is gifted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
person even if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
training cannot compete with him.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it
is argued
that with proper techniques and motivation, any child can learn the circumstances that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them proficient in any field. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
continuous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work is a foundation of success, and it is not acceptable to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with innate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
become successful over others without even trying to learn the process to gain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
For instance
, a well- known swimmer, named Jane, was an average swimmer like every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
child in his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
until he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
swimming school, where he learned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unique methods and received motivation to
be focused
on daily goals, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
he is the considered as one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
swimmers in the world.

In conclusion
, as long as a consistent course is
being followed
with determination on a daily basis, anyone can attain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are born
with;
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals stand out among numerous participants
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the gifted extraordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The chart below shows the number of travellers using three major airports in New York City between 1995 and 2000. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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