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Some people think that there should be some strict controls about noise. Others think that they could just make as much noise as they want. Discuss both views and give your opinion v.7

Some people think that there should be some strict controls about noise. Others think that they could just make as much noise as they want. 7
It is undeniable fact that many countries attract tourists with the help of their cultural traditions. It acts as a lure for the visitors. So, some people believe that when these traditions are used for money making, it may be destroyed, whereas the others argue that it is the only way to save these traditions. I cent percent agree with the latter view. First and foremost, tourism industries are the backbone of any country's economy. These industries not only create the highest amount of job opportunities, but also they give opportunities to spread our local culture in all over the world. Many people earn their livelihood because of the tourism. In many nations, hotels, motels, food industries and transport industries solely dependent on the tourism. Due to this, local businesses and people earn income from these industries and later spend on their basic amenities like food, shelter and clothes. In addition to the above, if cultural traditions would not use for money making, then our artist does not earn money from their art which reveals our culture and traditions, because of this world will never know our rich cultural heritage and we lose chances to spread our culture around the globe. Our artists are more innovative and creative than the others, but if the cultures can not generate income for our artists, then it should be worthless. On the other hand, some stubborn people think that, when these traditions are used for money making, it loses their original features. Also, foreign tourists have lack of respect for another country's culture. Moreover, they are well educated Owing to this, sometimes they are mocking on some sacred ceremonies so, local laymen do not mingle with them easily. At last, sometimes tourists behave too badly with localists. To conclude, the government ought to make some changes in the laws and enact some flexible laws for saving these old rituals and cultures. Also, artist must use these cultures for their source of income, so it will be beneficial for both.
It is undeniable fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries attract tourists with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of their cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
. It acts as a lure for the visitors.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that when these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
making, it may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
, whereas the others argue that it is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to save these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
.
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'I'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
I cent
percent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter view.

First
and foremost, tourism
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
are the backbone of any country's economy. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
create the highest amount of job opportunities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they give opportunities to spread our local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
in all over the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
earn their livelihood
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the tourism. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations, hotels, motels, food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
and transport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
solely
dependent on the tourism. Due to this, local businesses and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
earn income from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
and later spend on their basic amenities like food, shelter and clothes.

In addition
to the above, if cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
making, then our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
does not earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from their art which reveals our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
,
because of this
world will never know our rich cultural
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
heritage and
we lose chances to spread our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
around the globe. Our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
are more innovative and creative than the others,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
can not generate income for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
, then it should be worthless.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
stubborn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that, when these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
making, it loses their original features.
Also
, foreign tourists have lack of respect for another country's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
Moreover
, they are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well educated
Owing to this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they are mocking on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sacred ceremonies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, local laymen do not mingle with them
easily
. At last,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
tourists behave too
badly
with
Possible spelling mistake found.
localists
.

To conclude
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
ought to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the laws and enact
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
flexible laws for saving these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
rituals and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
for their source of income,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it will be beneficial for both.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that there should be some strict controls about noise. Others think that they could just make as much noise as they want. 7

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
336 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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