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The graph shows the average amount of money women earned as a percentage of men s earnings in the USA from 1975 to 2005 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and makes comparisons where relevant Write at least 150 words v.1

The graph shows the average amount of money women earned as a percentage of men s earnings in the USA from 1975 to 2005
Many people think that adolescents should do social service during their leisure time, without any monetary benefits and it would be beneficial to them, as well as the community. I do agree with this statement and in this essay I would like to discuss the reasons for that. Youngsters should be allowed to work for the public in their free time as it would help them to learn some soft skills such as teamwork, problem solving, adaptability, conflict resolution, leadership and the most important communication skills. These skills could not be learned from any schools or colleges but through practical learning in day to day life. For example, in Japan, students are asked to clean their neighbourhood every Sunday, hence, these students make a team in their respective areas and work together to achieve that goal, which develops in them unity, teamwork and all the skills mentioned above. Moreover, it would develop a sense of social responsibility in the young ones. Furthermore, many jobs these days require applicants to have a community service in their resumes. There was a time, when these services were asked for some special jobs like priests or social workers, but now almost all professions give priority to those candidates who have mentioned some social work in their biodatas. For instance, a company trusts a new employee who has worked without money in a community, can work for the company without any complaints, over someone who has no work experience at all. To conclude, I believe that, in the long run, social work without pay would be beneficial for both the teenagers and the communities. In addition to maturing soft skills, it would help in getting employments.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that adolescents should do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
service during their leisure time, without any monetary benefits and it would be beneficial to them,
as well
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
. I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement and in this essay I would like to discuss the reasons for that.

Youngsters should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for the public in their free time as it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as teamwork, problem solving, adaptability, conflict resolution, leadership and the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
could not
be learned
from any schools or colleges
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
through practical learning in day to day life.
For example
, in Japan, students
are asked
to clean their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
every Sunday,
hence
, these students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a team in their respective areas and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
together to achieve that goal, which develops in them unity, teamwork and all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
mentioned above.
Moreover
, it would develop a sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
responsibility in the young ones.

Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
jobs these days require applicants to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
service in their resumes. There was a time, when these services were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
asked for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
special jobs like priests or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
workers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
almost all professions give priority to those candidates who have mentioned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in their
Possible spelling mistake found.
biodatas
.
For instance
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
trusts a new employee who has worked without money in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
, can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
without any complaints, over someone who has no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience at all.

To conclude
, I believe that, in the long run,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
without pay would be beneficial for both the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
.
In addition
to maturing soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in getting employments.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay The graph shows the average amount of money women earned as a percentage of men s earnings in the USA from 1975 to 2005

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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