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More and more prisons are being built to house the world’s criminals, and many people believe long-term imprisonment is the answer to solving the crime problem. However, others feel that psychological assistance is what is required. Discuss both views a v.3

More and more prisons are being built to house the world’s criminals, and many people believe long-term imprisonment is the answer to solving the crime problem. However, others feel that psychological assistance is what is required. 3
In the past few decades, technological advancement in computer technology has been rapidly growing and it is one of the most conspicuous trend in today's world. Some people argue that computers are eliminating human interference in some jobs, which can lead to joblessness. On the other hand, others believe that computers are increasing productivity in a short period of time. As such, there are both merits and demerits for this trend, this essay will explain the significance of computers in increased productivity and employment. Firstly, latest technological advancement reduced the wait in the productivity and execution; however, automation enabled computers to deal with manual work, which is time consuming and stressful. For instance, ATM's made banking more sophisticated and convenient in many countries. Moreover, technical advancement in banking made online banking safe and secure across the globe in fast pace. Needless to say, technology is in fact increasing more jobs and reduced delays. Secondly, there are some pitfalls that can overwhelm the potential benefits of this trend. Nowadays, machine learning is giving computers, intelligenceintelligence in making decisions and this can make the computers smarter than humans and this can lead to unemployment. For example, the movie "I ROBOT" shows that the three laws have a loop hole and the computers exploit the loophole and want to eradicate human life from existence because of overpopulation. Hence, intelligence more than required will be a danger in the future, so manual human intervention is necessary in certain jobs. In conclusion, computers are given intelligence and over intelligence can lead to the extinction of the human realm. Finally, the role of humans is too dire to ignore.
In the past few decades, technological advancement in computer technology has been
rapidly
growing and it is one of the most conspicuous trend in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that computers are eliminating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
interference in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
jobs, which can lead to joblessness.
On the other hand
, others believe that computers are increasing productivity in a short period of time. As such, there are both merits and demerits for this trend, this essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the significance of computers in increased productivity and employment.

Firstly
,
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
technological advancement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the wait in the productivity and execution;
however
, automation enabled computers to deal with manual work, which is
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
time consuming
and stressful.
For instance
,
Consider using the plural form here: "ATMs".
ATM's
made banking more sophisticated and convenient in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries.
Moreover
, technical advancement in banking made online banking safe and secure across the globe in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
pace. Needless to say, technology is in fact increasing more jobs and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
delays.

Secondly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pitfalls that can overwhelm the potential benefits of this trend. Nowadays, machine learning is giving computers,
Possible spelling mistake found.
intelligenceintelligence
in making decisions and this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the computers smarter than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
and this can lead to unemployment.
For example
, the movie
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'I'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
I ROBOT
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the three laws have a loop hole and the computers exploit the loophole and want to eradicate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
life from existence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of overpopulation.
Hence
, intelligence more than required will be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
in the future,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
manual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
intervention is necessary in certain jobs.

In conclusion
, computers are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
intelligence and over intelligence can lead to the extinction of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
realm.
Finally
, the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
is too dire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay More and more prisons are being built to house the world’s criminals, and many people believe long-term imprisonment is the answer to solving the crime problem. However, others feel that psychological assistance is what is required. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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