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The leisure industry is growing rapidly. The active rate of modern technology in people’s leisure lives nowadays has made them less creative. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

The leisure industry is growing rapidly. The active rate of modern technology in people’s leisure lives nowadays has made them less creative. v. 2
In the first half of the twenty-first century, contemporary means of technology such as the internet has brought about far-reaching impacts on individuals’ leisure lives. While some minority groups refute the favorable aspects, I subscribe to the optimistic perception. To embark upon, technological advancements have introduced practical ways of communication platforms, internet in particular, in which everyone is capable of joining a myriad range of groups. Having subscribed to a group-based site, in this regard, one can relish playing strategic games, such as Clash of Clans as a salient illustration. In this occasion, not only do one thrive their creativity by accomplishing the game missions, but also they acquire aptitude of leadership, which is a positively helpful asset if it is utilized in their social conduct. Another matter which is unmistakably ascribed to new means of technology is that they cater for know-how access without any dilemma. As creativity stems from knowledge, one can obtain unlimited information in a matter of seconds. In stark contrast, however, in past decades people had to spend a great deal of time and effort to get the required data, before they initiated an activity. Not surprisingly, then, the better a person take the advantage of the internet and other cutting-edge technological advancements, the more inventively they would perform their beloved leisure activity including gardening, cooking to name but a few. The perspicacity of the aforementioned merits of incorporating new means of technology into entertaining activities has been frowned upon by some opponents, on the flip coin. Television in their opinion, as one prime exemplar, has been adversely influenced individuals’ spare time, in an assumption that it directs their brain in a passive mood. Had they not watched documentary programs such as The Planet Earth, as one obvious instance, however, they would not have gained valuable information that would culminate in more thoughtful demeanor towards wildlife, now. To sum up, although the skepticism of beneficial consequences of new methods of technology in people’s daily lives, leisure time specifically, might still remain in some notions, creativity is of the mostly observed outcomes, when one relentlessly takes those enlightening advantages.
In the
first
half of the twenty-
first
century, contemporary means of
technology
such as the internet has brought about far-reaching impacts on individuals’ leisure
lives
. While
some
minority groups refute the favorable aspects, I subscribe to the optimistic perception.

To embark upon, technological advancements have introduced practical ways of communication platforms, internet
in particular
, in which everyone is capable of joining a myriad range of groups. Having subscribed to a group-based site, in this regard, one can relish playing strategic games, such as Clash of Clans as a salient illustration. In this occasion, not
only
do one thrive their creativity by accomplishing the game missions,
but
also
they acquire aptitude of leadership, which is a
positively
helpful asset if it
is utilized
in their social conduct.

Another matter which is
unmistakably
ascribed to new means of
technology
is that they cater for know-how access without any dilemma. As creativity stems from knowledge, one can obtain unlimited information in a matter of seconds. In stark contrast,
however
, in past decades
people
had to spend a great deal of time and effort to
get
the required data,
before
they initiated an activity. Not
surprisingly
, then, the better a person take the advantage of the internet and other cutting-edge technological advancements, the more
inventively
they would perform their beloved leisure activity including gardening, cooking to name
but
a few.

The perspicacity of the aforementioned merits of incorporating new means of
technology
into entertaining activities has
been frowned
upon by
some
opponents, on the flip coin. Television in their opinion, as one prime exemplar, has been
adversely
influenced individuals’ spare time, in an assumption that it directs their brain in a passive mood. Had they not
watched
documentary programs such as The Planet Earth, as one obvious instance,
however
, they would not have gained valuable information that would culminate in more thoughtful demeanor towards wildlife,
now
.

To sum up, although the skepticism of beneficial consequences of new methods of
technology
in
people
’s daily
lives
, leisure time
specifically
, might
still
remain in
some
notions, creativity is of the
mostly
observed outcomes, when one
relentlessly
takes those enlightening advantages.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay The leisure industry is growing rapidly. The active rate of modern technology in people’s leisure lives nowadays has made them less creative. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
353 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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