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The job market today is very competitive and it is best to choose a career or field of study early in order to get a good job later in life. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

The job market today is very competitive and it is best to choose a career or field of study early in order to get a good job later in life. v. 1
It is true that finding a profession in this present climate is getting harder and harder due to the competition between numerous employees who apply for a particular position. Because of this fact, there are people who believe that in order to be successful in the future, students should select their educational curriculum and jobs earlier. While it might be hard for teenagers to stick to a decision, I see eye-to-eye to the people who mention this assertion. On the one hand, it is undeniable that children usually change their minds about their forthcoming jobs multiple times. The reason for this might be because, in this period of life, their personality is being built; thus, they might have different ideas in different stages of their lives. In other words, it is usual for a child to be fascinated by a cartoon or movie hero, and based on this wants a certain job. However, when they grow, these heroes will be replaced by real aspects of life, and this makes them reconsider their ultimate careers. This behaviour can also be seen in adulthood. For instance, some politicians have had a different field of study, and then they choose to be a politician. Bashar Asad, the president of Syria, who is a physician, is a prominent example here. On the other hand, by choosing the career and field of study early, one can have the opportunity to acquire subtle knowledge and required experience. If students already knew which field of employment they will in, before the high school, not only can they select the related subjects to this job in the secondary school, but they can also have enough study while they are in school. That is why I agree that those who are prosperous in their life had a clear planning before their graduation from school. Based on a study done by Tehran Medical University in 2012, approximately %64 of general surgeons had the decision about becoming a doctor when they were younger than ten. To conclude, in my perspective, although it might seem impractical for parents to force their children to select their prospective path, it is well-proven that individuals will be more successful in their adulthood if they do this.
It is true that finding a profession in this present climate is getting harder and harder due to the competition between numerous employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
apply for a particular position.
Because of this
fact, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
believe that in order to be successful in the future, students should select their educational curriculum and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
earlier. While it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to stick to a decision, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
eye-to-eye to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
mention this assertion.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that children
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their minds about their forthcoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
multiple times. The reason for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, in this period of life, their personality is
being built
;
thus
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
stages of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
In other words
, it is usual for a child to
be fascinated
by a cartoon or movie hero, and based on
Did you mean "these"?
this
wants a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
However
, when they grow, these heroes will
be replaced
by real aspects of life, and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them reconsider their ultimate careers. This
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
can
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in adulthood.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
politicians have had a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, and then they choose to be a politician. Bashar
Possible spelling mistake found.
Asad
, the president of Syria,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is a physician, is a prominent example here.

On the other hand
, by choosing the career and field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
early, one can have the opportunity to acquire subtle knowledge and required experience. If students already knew which field of employment they will in,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can they select the related subjects to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in the secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can
also
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
while they are in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
That is
why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are prosperous in their life had a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
planning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
their graduation from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. Based on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
done by Tehran Medical University in 2012, approximately %64 of general surgeons had the decision about becoming a doctor when they were younger than ten.

To conclude
, in my perspective, although it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
seem impractical for parents to force their children to select their prospective path, it is well-proven that individuals will be more successful in their adulthood if they do this.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay The job market today is very competitive and it is best to choose a career or field of study early in order to get a good job later in life. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
371 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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