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Some people think that economic development is the only way to end poverty while others believe that it is causing damage to the environment and so should be stopped. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think that economic development is the only way to end poverty while others believe that it is causing damage to the environment and so should be stopped. v. 2
Needless to say, economic growth plays a fundamental role in the development of countries. However, while some argued that the best source to combat poverty is just possible by economic growth, I agree with those who hold the opinion that such economic growth needs to be stopped due to environmental damage. On the one hand, it could be argued that removing poverty of a nation demands the country’s economic development. Those who support nation’s development say that people who belong to the poor family background are not able to treat their disease well due to shortage of money, so government’s hospital should be opened for their better health care, which results in the development of the country. Moreover, the government is set to allow people getting free tertiary education so that middle-class people can obtain an education which helps them in achieving a good job in the future. Therefore, the more literacy rate in the country, the less poverty will be. However, I believe that there are more arguments to suggest that economic development has negatively impacted on the environment. One concern is that government authority tends to cut forest for the increment of opening new universities and hospitals. I would argue that this unsustainable growth of new construction building cause to increase the greenhouse effect on the environment as it raises the carbon dioxide ratio in the air, which is extremely harmful and a threat to human life. Therefore, in my opinion, such an influential effect, brings global warming, which deters rain to fall and draught in the nations, and led to the end of the ecosystem. Thus, eventually, there will be immense a detrimental impact on agriculture. In conclusion, although it is undeniable that the economic growth assists middle-class people in job achievement by imparting education, it has led to inevitable global warming. Therefore, on balance, I believe that economic development causes environmental damage and it should be ceased.
Needless to say,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
plays a fundamental role in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
However
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argued that the best source to combat poverty is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
possible by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with those who hold the opinion that such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
needs to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
due to environmental damage.

On the one hand, it could
be argued
that removing poverty of a nation demands the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
. Those who support nation’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who belong to the poor family background are not able to treat their disease well due to shortage of money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
’s hospital should
be opened
for their better health care, which results in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Moreover
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is set
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
getting free tertiary education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that middle-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can obtain an education which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them in achieving a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job in the future.
Therefore
, the more literacy rate in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, the less poverty will be.

However
, I believe that there are more arguments to suggest that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
has
negatively
impacted on the environment. One concern is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
authority tends to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
forest for the increment of opening new universities and hospitals. I would argue that this unsustainable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
of new construction building cause to increase the greenhouse effect on the environment as it raises the carbon dioxide ratio in the air, which is
extremely
harmful and a threat to human life.
Therefore
, in my opinion, such an influential effect, brings global warming, which deters rain to fall and
Possible spelling mistake. 'draught' is British English.
draught
in the nations, and led to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the ecosystem.
Thus
,
eventually
, there will be immense a detrimental impact on agriculture.

In conclusion
, although it is undeniable that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
assists middle-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in job achievement by imparting education, it has led to inevitable global warming.
Therefore
, on balance, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
causes environmental damage and it should
be ceased
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that economic development is the only way to end poverty while others believe that it is causing damage to the environment and so should be stopped. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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