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The internet has made knowledge immediately available to people through computers and smartphones all around the world. Much of this knowledge is also free. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages. v.4

The internet has made knowledge immediately available to people through computers and smartphones all around the world. Much of this knowledge is also free. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages. v. 4
To start with this topic, anyone can get the knowledge without paying any fee, but just needs to use the internet on their systems and mobile phones. As it is free, this has both positive and negative sides which I am going to discuss in the following paragraphs. Firstly, let`s start with the advantages of the knowledge from the internet. The foremost thing that people can access anytime their smartphones to get the knowledge from where ever they are. For example, if I am visiting any museum and want to know the history then I can get the whole thing using my mobile at the respective place. Furthermore, there is no need to pay for all the details. Even though it has many positive sides, still it has some disadvantages, let`s discuss that in this paragraph. As it is free and accessible everywhere, the wrong people may use this opportunity to harm the other people. For instance, people learn how to hack the bank details and steal the money from the other`s account. Also, people will believe blindly the details which are available in the internet, but this is not the truth as anyone can share the false information. To conclude this discussion, if the people use the opportunity wisely, then many achievements can be made else it can harmful the same people. Also, we should be very careful when we are given this chance to the kids because it is available and accessible anytime, so that children may go in the different direction which they should not be.
To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with this topic, anyone can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the knowledge without paying any fee,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
needs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet on their systems and mobile phones. As it is free, this has both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides which I am going to discuss in the following paragraphs.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
`s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with the advantages of the knowledge from the internet. The foremost thing that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can access anytime their smartphones to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the knowledge from where ever they are.
For example
, if I am visiting any museum and want to know the history then I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the whole thing using my mobile at the respective place.
Furthermore
, there is no need to pay for all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

Even though
it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides,
still
it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
`s discuss that in this paragraph. As it is free and accessible everywhere, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this opportunity to harm the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
learn how to hack the bank
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
and steal the money from the
The character between 'other' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "other’s" (curly apostrophe) or "other's" (straight apostrophe).
other`s
account.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will believe
blindly
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
which are available
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the internet".
in the internet
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this is not the truth as anyone can share the false information.

To conclude
this discussion, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the opportunity
wisely
, then
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
achievements can
be made
else it
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
can harmful
the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Also
, we should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
careful when we are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
this chance to the kids
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is available and accessible anytime,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that children may go in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
direction which they should not be.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The internet has made knowledge immediately available to people through computers and smartphones all around the world. Much of this knowledge is also free. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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