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Children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television. However, television cannot replace the book as a learning tool, which is why children are less well‐educated today. To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.29

Children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television. However, television cannot replace the book as a learning tool, which is why children are less well‐educated today. v. 29
It is true that today the youths consume a high amount of time watching TV. Although this format might be useful as a learning method, some people argue that it cannot substitute the traditional methods, such as physical books. As a result, they are less educated. I firmly agree with this statement and this essay will support my opinion providing some examples. An increasing rate of children who watch television is concerning most of the parents, they believe that this kind of format is purposeless for the kid's education. However, with a continual rising of tv channels, children could use this format as a way to increase their knowledge. For instance, they can directly watch some useful channels such as BBC or National Geographic to develop an interest in specific subjects, and this method would be less stressful and funnier compared to the traditional methods. In addition, with this approach, a youngster might have more freedom and joy and these encourage them to satisfy their thirst of knowledge. On the other hand, there would be an enormous risk that children could be addicted to this format. Also, is undeniable that not everything that compares on television might bring benefit to the youths. For example, some tv programme could influence indirectly on children's behaviour, and this could affect negatively on their own education. Therefore, physical books are considered more reliable than all of the trash that appears on TV, so there are major risks that a child, especially who are in adolescence, could follow a wrong way respect the truth. In conclusion, watching Tv is an important format to educate children. As far as I am concerned, the traditional methods are more trustworthy in learning and television is not a reliable learning item, at least for now.
It is true that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
the youths consume a high amount of time watching TV. Although this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
format
might be useful as a learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
method
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that it cannot substitute the traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
, such as physical books.
As a result
, they are less educated. I
firmly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement and this essay will support my opinion providing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
examples.

An increasing rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
television
The verb 'concerning' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
is concerning
most of the parents, they believe that this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
format
is purposeless for the kid's education.
However
, with a continual rising of
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
channels,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
format
as a way to increase their knowledge.
For instance
, they can
directly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
useful channels such as BBC or National Geographic to develop an interest in specific subjects, and this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
method
would be less stressful and funnier compared to the traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
.
In addition
, with this approach, a youngster might have more freedom and joy and these encourage them to satisfy their thirst of knowledge.

On the other hand
, there would be an enormous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could
be addicted
to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
format
.
Also
, is undeniable that not everything that compares on television might bring benefit to the youths.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "(tv)"?
tv
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
could influence
indirectly
on children's
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, and this could affect
negatively
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
education.
Therefore
, physical books
are considered
more reliable than
Consider using "all the".
all of the
trash that appears on TV,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
there are major
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
that a child,
especially
who are in adolescence, could follow a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
way respect the truth.

In conclusion
, watching
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tv
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
format
to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. As far as I
am concerned
, the traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
are more trustworthy in learning and television is not a reliable learning item, at least for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television. However, television cannot replace the book as a learning tool, which is why children are less well‐educated today. v. 29

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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