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Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.5

Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources. v. 5
Opinions diverge greatly on who should bring funding for emerging artist, while some people disagree with the idea of government support for artists. I believe that the money should come from both sides, the state and independent sources. On one hand, the government is responsible for promoting the local cultural development. In this way, artistic representations can be seen as a way to encourage the culture. Special projects in public spaces, such as streets or squares in city centres, can take place with the cooperation between public entities and painters and musicians. Furthermore, local councils should pay creative artist to produce art about the city, this artwork may serve to educate people about the history, and act as landmarks or talking points for visitors and tourists. In fact, this investment in the city might become it attractive for foreign people. On the other hand, I can understand the arguments against government financing for art. The main reason for this view is that the national system has more important concerns. For example, state budgets need to be spent on education, healthcare, infrastructure, among other areas, which are vital for a country to function properly. Secondly, alternative sources have the facilities to organize middle events in a shorter time and be more efficient. Indeed, most of the independent artists are in touch with a greater range of associations and sponsors interested in the movement. For example, in Vietnam “Dancers of the town” is an initiative that has grown sharply in the last decades, conformed by dancers of all over the country, each year new talents are the face of famous brands which are supported by companies. By way of conclusion, there are good reasons why artists should rely on alternative sources of financial support, but in my opinion, government should ensure the development as well.
Opinions diverge
greatly
on who should bring funding for emerging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
support for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
. I believe that the money should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from both sides, the state and independent sources.

On one hand, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is responsible for promoting the local cultural development. In this way, artistic representations can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a way to encourage the culture. Special projects in public spaces, such as streets or squares in city
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, can take place with the cooperation between public entities and painters and musicians.
Furthermore
, local councils should pay creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
to produce art about the city, this artwork may serve to educate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
about the history, and act as landmarks or talking points for visitors and tourists. In fact, this investment in the city might become it attractive for foreign
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the other hand
, I can understand the arguments against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
financing for art. The main reason for this view is that the national system has more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
concerns.
For example
, state budgets need to
be spent
on education, healthcare, infrastructure, among other areas, which are vital for a country to function
properly
.
Secondly
, alternative sources have the facilities to organize middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
in a shorter time and be more efficient.
Indeed
, most of the independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
are in touch with a greater range of associations and sponsors interested in the movement.
For example
, in Vietnam “Dancers of the town” is an initiative that has grown
sharply
in the last decades, conformed by dancers of all over the country, each year new talents are the face of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
brands which
are supported
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

By way of conclusion, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
should rely on alternative sources of financial support,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should ensure the development
as well
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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