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The increase in mobile phone use in recent years has transformed the way we live, communicate and do business. Mobile phones can also be the cause of social or medical problems. What forms do these problems take? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of mobile phones? v.2

The increase in mobile phone use in recent years has transformed the way we live, communicate and do business. Mobile phones can also be the cause of social or medical problems. What forms do these problems take? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of mobile phones? v. 2
In our day-to-day life the mobile phones have a significant role in the communication between people and their business. Nowadays people used mobile phone not only for the phone calls. One of the main advantages through the mobile phone is social networking is much faster and easier. Also, can use it all other technical purposes like taking photographs, banking, gaming, travelling purpose etc. Firstly, there are some disadvantages while using mobile phones. Emitting radiation from mobile phone makes the critical medical and health problem for human being. Some of the medical research state that these radiations cause several kinds of cancer in the human body also chance to affect badly to the human reproduction system. Another main concern about the mobile is to distract the personal relationship. Secondly, in present day the people do not want to spend time with family, and they always keep scrolling in mobile phones. Some people are looking for new unhealthy relationships and it makes a negative impact in trust relation. Children spend more time in phones rather than studying cause bad impact on their education career. Mobile phones are strictly prohibited while driving because it causes accidents on the roads. In film, theatre and cinemas requesting users to switch their phone off or silent. To conclude, in some points mobile phones have some drawbacks, but it gives huge helps for a human's day to day life. So, people use it for the good aspect rather than wasting their time and it ensures great advantage of their life.
In our day-to-day life the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
have a significant role in the communication between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and their business. Nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
calls. One of the main advantages through the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
is social networking is much faster and easier.
Also
, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it all other technical purposes like taking photographs, banking, gaming, travelling purpose etc.

Firstly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages while using mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
. Emitting radiation from mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the critical medical and health problem for human being.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
medical research state that these radiations cause several kinds of cancer in the human body
also
chance to affect
badly
to the human reproduction system. Another main concern about the mobile is to distract the personal relationship.

Secondly
, in present day the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not want to spend time with family, and they always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
scrolling in mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are looking for new unhealthy relationships and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact in trust relation. Children spend more time in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
rather
than studying cause
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact on their education career. Mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are
strictly
prohibited while driving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it causes accidents on the roads. In film,
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
and cinemas requesting users to switch their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
off or silent.

To conclude
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
points mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it gives huge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
for a human's
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
aspect
rather
than wasting their time and it ensures great advantage of their life.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay The increase in mobile phone use in recent years has transformed the way we live, communicate and do business. Mobile phones can also be the cause of social or medical problems. What forms do these problems take? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of mobile phones? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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