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Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.6

Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. v. 6
The difference of opinion between people arguing on whether the modern technology is making a man social or not seems to be unsettled. While technology has made the communication more easier than it was ever before, it is also making people more reliant on digital platforms for interacting with each other, thus making it difficult for people to get together with each other. In my view, the most basic form of socializing – in person interaction is pivotal to human existence, and this can be achieved only by limiting the usage of modern gadgets. Firstly, with the advancement of latest innovations in modern communication, it is much easier to talk with a person on the opposite side of the earth real-time. Furthermore, it is so easy to state our opinion online, which could reach wide and far, which was unimaginable a few decades ago. For example, I can make a video call to my mother and see her live, thus, making it easier for families to stay connected with their dear ones. The introduction of Facebook, twitter, snapchat and Instagram means that I can share an idea or a thought or an event as it happens, which can literally reach millions almost instantaneously. Thus, if it were not for the technological advancements, people might not have been able to feel more connected to each other. Similarly, if you would look from the other perspective, people are increasingly depending on the social networking platforms to reach each other. This has become so much prevalent these days, that they now prefer to chat with each other at the comfort of their homes, sipping coffee alone, chatting on platforms such as Whatsapp, Facebook, and skype over meeting their acquaintances in person. This comes with its own side effect that they lack social interactive skills. Hence, technology is driving us away from each other when it comes to socializing. To sum it up, different people might have different perception on the question if modern gadgets are bringing us closer, or moving us apart from each other, I believe that it is us, if we can have self-control on the way we use our gadgets, and keep social contacts by meeting people on a regular basis, we can keep maintain a healthy balance between our interactions online and our community that exists off the internet.
The difference of opinion between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
arguing on whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
technology is making a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
or not seems to
be unsettled
. While technology has made the communication
Use only "easier" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more easier
than it was ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, it is
also
making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more reliant on digital platforms for interacting with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
,
thus
making it difficult for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
together with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. In my view, the most basic form of socializing
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
in person interaction is pivotal to human existence, and this can
be achieved
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by limiting the usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
gadgets.

Firstly
, with the advancement of
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
innovations in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
communication, it is much easier to talk with a person on the opposite side of the earth real-time.
Furthermore
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
easy to state our opinion online, which could reach wide and far, which was unimaginable a few decades ago.
For example
, I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a video call to my mother and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
,
thus
, making it easier for families to stay connected with their dear ones. The introduction of Facebook, twitter,
Possible spelling mistake found.
snapchat
and Instagram means that I can share an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
or a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
or an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
as it happens, which can
literally
reach millions almost
instantaneously
.
Thus
, if it were not for the technological advancements,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might not have been able to feel more connected to each other.

Similarly
, if you would look from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
perspective,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
increasingly
depending on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking platforms to reach each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. This has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much prevalent these days, that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
prefer to chat with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
at the comfort of their homes, sipping coffee alone, chatting on platforms such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Whatsapp
, Facebook, and skype over meeting their acquaintances in person. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
side effect that they lack
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
interactive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Hence
, technology is driving us away from each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to socializing.

To sum it up,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perception on the question if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
gadgets are bringing us closer, or moving us apart from each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, I believe that it is us, if we can have self-control on the way we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
our gadgets, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
contacts by meeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on a regular basis, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
maintain a healthy balance between our interactions online and our community that exists off the internet.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
390 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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