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The importance of biodiversity is being more widely recognised as increasing numbers of species come under threat. v.3

The importance of biodiversity is being more widely recognised as increasing numbers of species come under threat. v. 3
Today, the number of species under extinction threat is increasing and that is showing us the importance of biodiversity.   Fortunately, it is not too late to maintain biodiversity. With small but effective changes we can save many species. First of all, reducing the water pollution can create a great relieve on water species. According to the biologists, the 80 % of all existing creatures are living in the water. Water Pollution is reducing the kinds and population of that creature day by day. Chemical and biological wastages are kept polluting fresh water reserves and seas. For example every year a million gallon of polluted water was discharged into the rivers and sea in Istanbul. Because, there were no sewer treatment facilities in Istanbul, the sea became too polluted and there was nearly no underwater life. After government decided and build sewer treatment facilities, Water reserves and sea have become clearer and it has a great impact on biodiversity. Today curious eyes can even see the dolphins in there. Another caution for maintaining biodiversity is forestation. Today most of the land creatures are need forests for living and forestation can create new living areas for many kinds of creatures, especially for mammals. The best example of it is the city of Abu Dhabi. İn the seventies, Emirate of Abu Dhabi decided to create a forest in the desert. After a well-organised forestation plan, they managed to create a forest and today it is a great attraction point to people who want to see the forest habitat. There are many kinds of creatures from mammals to endemic insects. As a result, today extinction is a great threat to many species. The pollution caused by people and deforestation causes great risks for many kinds of species. On the other hand, it is not too late for many of them. With small action, we can prevent the extinction of a lot of species and we can maintain the biodiversity.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Today
, the number of species under extinction threat is increasing and
that is
showing us the importance of biodiversity.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Fortunately
, it is not too late to maintain biodiversity. With
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
effective
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
we can save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
species.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, reducing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
pollution can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
relieve on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
species. According to the biologists, the 80 % of all existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creatures
are living in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Water
Pollution is reducing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kinds
and population of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creature
day by day.

Chemical and biological
Possible spelling mistake found.
wastages
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
polluting fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
reserves and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seas
.
For example
every year a million gallon of polluted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
was discharged
into the rivers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sea
in Istanbul.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, there were no sewer treatment facilities in Istanbul, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sea
became too polluted and there was
nearly
no underwater life. After
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
decided and build sewer treatment facilities,

Water reserves and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sea
have become clearer and it has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
impact on biodiversity.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Today
curious eyes can even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the dolphins in there. Another caution for maintaining biodiversity is forestation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Today
most of the land
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creatures
are need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forests
for living and forestation can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
new living areas for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kinds
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creatures
,
especially
for mammals. The best example of it is the city of Abu Dhabi.
Possible spelling mistake found.
İn
the seventies, Emirate of Abu Dhabi decided to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forest
in the desert. After a
Possible spelling mistake. 'well-organised' is British English.
well-organised
forestation plan, they managed to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forest
and t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
oday
it is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
attraction point to p
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eople
who want to s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ee
the
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forest
habitat. There are m
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kinds
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creatures
from mammals to endemic insects.

A
s a result,
t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
oday
extinction is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
threat to m
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
any
species. The pollution caused by p
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eople
and deforestation causes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
r
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
isks
for m
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kinds
of
Did you mean "species"?
species
. O
n the other hand,
it is not too late for m
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
any
of them. With s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
mall
action, we can p
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
revent
the extinction of a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
lot of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
species and
we can maintain the biodiversity.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay The importance of biodiversity is being more widely recognised as increasing numbers of species come under threat. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
326 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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