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Some people think that only staff who worked in a company for a long time should be promoted to a higher position. v.3

Some people think that only staff who worked in a company for a long time should be promoted to a higher position. v. 3
We all know that work is the food of life. There is no doubt that the experienced staff is far better qualified to a promotion than the fresh employee. It is taken for granted that the long-service employee has several potentials which help him to get a promotion contrary to the new employee. Thus many companies reward the employees who have been with them for a long. In my opinion, this is indeed a good idea for the motivation of the employee and for the improvement of the company. One of the reasons why the only experienced employee should get a promotion is that s/he knows many things about his/her job. For example, he can tackle any issue related to the scope of his work and can implement good solutions to such problems. Undoubtedly, such employee deserves the promotion due to his broad knowledge and experience. Another important issue is the employee loyalty towards the company and that should be rewarded. Another reason is that the experienced employee can communicate elegantly with people from different backgrounds. To illustrate, he is able to deal with everyone perfectly and this, without a doubt, is because of his long experience in his work. Consequently, he is the only one who can get the promotion. In conclusion, it cannot be denied that the experienced employee is the only one who deserves the promotion. As stated above, the experienced employee not only knows the tactics of his work but also can perfectly deal with people. Hence, he must be promoted.
We all know that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is the food of life. There is no doubt that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experienced
staff is far better qualified to a promotion than the fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
. It
is taken
for granted that the long-service
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
has several potentials which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
him to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a promotion contrary to the new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
reward the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
who have been with them for a long. In my opinion, this is
indeed
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for the motivation of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
and for the improvement of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

One of the reasons why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a promotion is that s/he knows
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things about his/her job.
For example
, he can tackle any issue related to the scope of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and can implement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
solutions to such problems.
Undoubtedly
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
deserves the promotion due to his broad knowledge and experience. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issue is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
loyalty towards the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and that should
be rewarded
.

Another reason is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
can communicate
elegantly
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
backgrounds. To illustrate, he is able to deal with everyone
perfectly
and this, without a doubt, is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his long experience in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Consequently
, he is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
one who can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the promotion.

In conclusion
, it cannot
be denied
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
one who deserves the promotion. As stated above, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
knows the tactics of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
can
perfectly
deal with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Hence
, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be promoted
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Some people think that only staff who worked in a company for a long time should be promoted to a higher position. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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