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Some people think that only staff who worked in a company for a long time should be promoted to a higher position. v.2

Some people think that only staff who worked in a company for a long time should be promoted to a higher position. v. 2
One of the reasons why companies choose to promote some employee is seniority. While the length of service is undoubtedly an important factor, my belief is it should certainly not be the only criterion for deciding who should be promoted. Rather it would be best for companies to have a more varied policy in this area. There are without question sound arguments for promoting employees who have been working for a company for a number of years. The first of these is that these more experienced employees would be able to adapt themselves to be in a higher position. As they would understand the culture and policies of the company better, they should be given priority to be in higher positions in a company. Again, on a practical level, if they were not promoted, they might well leave the company to find a higher position and earn a larger salary. This could have serious consequences for the company, which might lose a significant amount of business to its competitors. Despite these factors, there is a strong argument in favour of also promoting staff because of their performance. This can be seen by how some multinational companies use annual performance and development reviews when deciding on promotion. Under this system, a supervisor can set targets for an employee and if those targets are met, then the staff can be promoted, even if they are relatively junior. The benefit of this approach is that it encourages staff to work harder and rewards merit and not just slow service. In conclusion, there is no doubt a case for implementing a policy of promoting long serving members of staff, but I believe that it is also wise to take account of the performance of more junior members of staff.
One of the reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
choose to promote
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
is seniority. While the length of service is
undoubtedly
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor, my belief is it should
certainly
not be the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
criterion for deciding who should
be promoted
.
Rather
it would be best for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to have a more varied policy in this area. There are without question sound arguments for promoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
who have been working for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
for a number of years.

The
first
of these is that these more experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
would be able to adapt themselves to be in a higher position. As they would understand the culture and policies of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
better, they should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
priority to be in higher positions in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. Again, on a practical level, if they were not promoted, they might well
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
to find a higher position and earn a larger salary. This could have serious consequences for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, which might lose a significant amount of business to its competitors.

Despite these factors, there is a strong argument in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of
also
promoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their performance. This can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
by how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
annual performance and development reviews when deciding on promotion. Under this system, a supervisor can set targets for an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
and if those targets
are met
, then the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
can
be promoted
, even if they are
relatively
junior. The benefit of this approach is that it encourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
to work harder and rewards merit and not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
slow service.

In conclusion
, there is no doubt a case for implementing a policy of promoting long serving members of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe that it is
also
wise to take account of the performance of more junior members of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that only staff who worked in a company for a long time should be promoted to a higher position. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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