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The idea of having a single career is becoming old fashioned one. The new fashion will be to have several careers or ways of earning money and further education will be something that continues throughout life. v.1

The idea of having a single career is becoming old fashioned one. The new fashion will be to have several careers or ways of earning money and further education will be something that continues throughout life. v. 1
Our life changes, our friendships change, our opinions change. How do you think should our career change? Of course, it should. How much time do you think to work for company or having a single business? Haven’t you thought that everything would be different if you would have more money? Please don’t try to deceive me. You have. Nowadays, everyone around us including ourselves we want to develop in any case. For instance, we would like to have new businesses, new knowledge. Of course, it is not easy but you can do it if you just want. We can come across with some old fashioned people that they wish is to work for enterprise or having a single business. Do you know why? I think they are not enough to bolster and they think that they wouldn’t be able to handle it and they prefer not to even try. First of all, having own business will assist you to be free, happy and wealthy. Nevertheless, it can be vice verse, but never afraid and never give up. You can do it! Anyway, business will require from you to be patient, be knowledgeable and exacting. Have you mentioned that business will teach you modern life secrets? Yes, it will teach you computer, it will teach you how to control new professionals. Apart from that today living cost is too high to maintain a standard life. Thus, we have to create our own opportunity and try to have a lot of business as possible as we can. Further education will provide us with a life with high qualities. Education is the only thing that can open every door without a key. Show yourself and go back, all companies will want to have a contract with you. It will not matter how much you want. Anyway, your self will be educated and modern it is most crucial fact. In conclusion, trying new things and trying to have more will never make you lose something. Never give up and never stop trying.
Our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
, our friendships
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
, our opinions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
. How do you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
should our career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
?
Of course
, it should. How much time do you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
to work for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
or having a single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
? Haven’t you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that everything would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
if you would have more money?
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Please
don’t try to deceive me. You have.

Nowadays, everyone around us including ourselves we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to develop in any case.
For instance
, we would like to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
knowledge.
Of course
, it is not easy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
you can do it if you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
old fashioned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that they wish is to work for enterprise or having a single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. Do you know why? I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
they are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
bolster and
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that they wouldn’t be able to handle
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
it and
they prefer not to even try.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
will assist you to be free, happy and wealthy.
Nevertheless
, it can be vice verse,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
never afraid and never give up. You can do it! Anyway,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
will require from you to be patient, be knowledgeable and exacting. Have you mentioned that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
will teach you modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
secrets? Yes, it will teach you computer, it will teach you how to control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
professionals. Apart from that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
living cost is too high to maintain a standard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Thus
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
create our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opportunity and try to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
as possible as we can.

Further
education will provide us with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with high qualities. Education is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
thing that can open every door without a key.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Show
yourself and go back, all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to have a contract with you. It will not matter how much you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
. Anyway, your self will
be educated
and modern it is
Did you mean "the most"?
most
crucial fact.

In conclusion
, trying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things and trying to have more will never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
you lose something. Never give up and never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
trying.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay The idea of having a single career is becoming old fashioned one. The new fashion will be to have several careers or ways of earning money and further education will be something that continues throughout life. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
338 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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