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Should wealthy nations be required to share theirwealth among poorer nations by providing such thingsas food and education? Or us it the responsibility ofthe governments of poorer nations to look after theircitizens themselves v.2

Should wealthy nations be required to share theirwealth among poorer nations by providing such thingsas food and education? Or us it the responsibility ofthe governments of poorer nations to look after theircitizens themselves v. 2
I think that wealthy nations should share their prosperous resources with the poorly nations to improve their living by offering food and education. Reasons to share their wealth are: • To Build up humanity • To Improve friendship in neighbouring countries • To save the lives of people Whenever famine hits the country, it wipes out all their crops and let the people suffer from starvation. One such example is Somalia where people died like flies under starvation. It is the duty of other nations to support their cause by providing food in their need. Thus it keeps the humanity alive and pass on to the next generation. It inspires others to be humane. In case of undeveloped countries, it is not easy to provide quality education to youngsters by their government. Thus the developed nations should lend them the way for their studies. Since youth is the backbone of their land, it is inevitable for them to acquire proper graduation. This builds up healthy relationship between provinces as they are benefited by their nearest countries. Sharing should not be stopped with food and education alone. It includes saving the lives of people when the nearby country faces the natural calamities. In those situations, it is important to send their troops to the affected territory in order to reduce the casualties. The required medical support should be dispatched to treat the wounded people. I conclude that sharing to the needy people is the best way to spend the money as it replinish the dying humanity and creates the bonding between countries.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that wealthy nations should share their

prosperous resources with the
poorly
nations to

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
improve
their living by offering food and education.

Reasons to share their wealth are:

• To Build up humanity

• To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Improve
friendship in
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbouring' is British English.
neighbouring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries •
To save the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people


Whenever famine hits the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, it wipes out all

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
their
crops and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer from starvation.

One such example is Somalia where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
like

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
flies
under starvation. It is the duty of other
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
nations


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to
support their cause by providing food in their need.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
the humanity alive and pass on to the

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
next
generation. It inspires others to be humane.

In case of undeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, it is not easy to

provide quality education to youngsters by their

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
government
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
the developed nations should
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
lend


Did you mean "Then"?
them
the way for their studies. Since youth is
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
the


backbone of their land, it is inevitable for them to

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
acquire
proper graduation. This builds up
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
healthy


relationship between provinces as they
are benefited


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
by
their nearest countries.

Sharing should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
with food and education

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
alone
. It includes saving the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
when
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
the


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
nearby
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
faces the natural calamities. In
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
those


situations, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their troops to the

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
affected
territory in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the casualties.

The required medical support should
be dispatched
to

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
treat
the wounded
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

I conclude that sharing to the needy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
the

A determiner is probably missing here: "the best".
best
way to spend the money as it
Possible spelling mistake found.
replinish
the dying

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
humanity
and creates the bonding between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
26Mistakes

IELTS essay Should wealthy nations be required to share theirwealth among poorer nations by providing such thingsas food and education? Or us it the responsibility ofthe governments of poorer nations to look after theircitizens themselves v. 2

Essay
  American English
32 paragraphs
261 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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