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The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. Do you agree or disagree? v.26

The growth of internet services is becoming more popular, as long as the increase in online platforms where you can shop smoothly will affect the normal way of shopping in the future as we may notice the decline of shops numbers everywhere. This essay will discuss how I am strongly agree with that. First of all, internet and technology made our lifes easier, as people can with only one click to have all their favourite stores online on their smartphones which save time and effort even though they can shop and choose a wide variety of products at the same time with less effort at their convenient time regardless of the shops are in duty or it is public holidays. For example, one can buy Christmas gifts for his son while he is in the office and he will not have time to go in-store to get it, besides it will arrive to him at his convenient time or location. Second of all, during such time and the Covid-19 restrictions even if some countries decided to reopen the malls and shopping centers, still going online is the best option as the person does not need to risk and visit public places and gamble by dealing or contacting with others. Adding to that in the normal days people sometimes face issues with the parking, traffic or crowded public transportation while they are going to shopping centers, especially on sale days when they are not able to select and pick their favourite items as a result of high crowded stores. Although sometimes there are massive sale is going on; For Instance; the "Black Friday" sale, people can not obtain the maximum value out of it. On the other hand the online shoppers will save the time and getting all their needs without struggle. In conclusion, I confidently agree with the increasing of online shopping in terms of ease use, time-saving, and how it is comfortable. As long as from companies perspective it will be effective in terms of operation.
The growth of internet services is becoming more popular, as long as the increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
platforms where you can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
smoothly
will affect the normal way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
in the future as we may notice the decline of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
numbers everywhere. This essay will discuss how I am
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with that.

Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
, internet and technology made our
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean “lives”, the plural form of the noun ‘life’?
lifes
easier, as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one click to have all their
Possible spelling mistake. ‘favourite’ is British English.
favourite
stores
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
on their smartphones which save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and effort
even though
they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
and choose a wide variety of products at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with less effort at their convenient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
regardless of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
are in
Use a comma before ‘or’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
duty or
it is public holidays.
For example
, one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
Christmas gifts for his son while he is in the
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
office and
he will not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to go in-store to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
it,
besides
it will arrive to him at his convenient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
or location.

Second of all, during such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and the Covid-19 restrictions even if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries decided to reopen the malls and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
centers,
still
going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
is the best option as the person does not need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
and visit public places and gamble by dealing or contacting with others. Adding to that in the normal days
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
face issues with the parking, traffic or crowded public transportation while they are going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
centers,
especially
on sale days when they are not able to select and pick their
Possible spelling mistake. ‘favourite’ is British English.
favourite
items
as a result
of high crowded stores. Although
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
there are massive sale is going on;
For Instance
; the
Use a smart opening quote here.
"
Black Friday
Use a smart closing quote here.
"
sale,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can not obtain the maximum value out of it.
On the other hand
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shoppers will save the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and getting all their needs without struggle.

In conclusion
, I
confidently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the increasing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
in terms of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
, time-saving, and how it is comfortable.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
long as from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
perspective it will be effective in terms of operation.
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Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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