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The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops and cities closing. Do you agree or disagree? v.5

As humans are taking steps into modernization, online markets are gradually being commonplace. It has been stated that by development of online purchasing, we are approaching to closure of shops in cities and being interested in shopping online. It appears to me the occurrence of this phenomenon maybe inevitable. Admittedly, virtual markets provide consumers with all information and images of products. Nevertheless, not everybody can enjoy this type of purchasing because they do not have the chance to touch their product or wear it in case of clothes. As a result, buying online could not be a reasonable replacement for this type of individuals, and it maybe difficult for them to trust shopping online. However, a number of opportunities and advantages of shopping online will contribute to closing shops in all cities. First off, these days, a huge number if individuals tend to have lack of time therefore online shops could be a better choice for them. For instance, if an employee works till evening, there will not remain any time to shopping centers. Accordingly, they are more interested in conveniently purchasing online by a click. Another factor that is worth considering is that this method of shopping can enormously take an unprecedented step in decreasing the traffic jam. It is true that retail trophy could be an interesting hobby for everyone; needless to say, by shifting this shopping method to the online one, we will unintentionally help the challenging issue of traffic. Finally, costumers can easily check all the details of their required commodities, including size, color, country of origin, material and all important information. So it is fair to say, it not only extremely facilitates our lifestyles, but it also helps to save our time and try not to cause traffic congestion. To conclude, it would appear to have no other shops, available in cities as a result of increasing numbers of online markets. However, many people will lose the opportunity to see the merchandises in shops to the exclusion of replacement of shops with online markets.
As humans are taking steps into modernization,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
markets are
gradually
being commonplace. It has
been stated
that by development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
purchasing, we are approaching to closure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
in cities and
being interested
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
. It appears to me the occurrence of this phenomenon maybe inevitable.

Admittedly
, virtual markets provide consumers with all information and images of products.
Nevertheless
, not everybody can enjoy this type of purchasing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not have the chance to touch their product or wear it in case of clothes.
As a result
, buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
could not be a reasonable replacement for this type of individuals, and
It seems that a verb is missing.
it
The word “maybe” is and adverb. Either a verb is missing or you meant “may be”.
maybe
difficult for them to trust
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
online.

However
, a number of opportunities and advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
will contribute to closing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
in all cities.
First
off, these days, a huge number if individuals tend to have lack of time
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
could be a better choice for them.
For instance
, if an employee works till evening, there will not remain any time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
centers.
Accordingly
, they are more interested in
conveniently
purchasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
by a click. Another factor
that is
worth considering is that this method of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
can
enormously
take an unprecedented step in decreasing the traffic jam. It is true that retail trophy could be an interesting hobby for everyone; needless to say, by shifting this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
method to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
one, we will
unintentionally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the challenging issue of traffic.
Finally
, costumers can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of their required commodities, including size, color, country of origin, material and all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
information.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
to say, it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
extremely
facilitates our lifestyles,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to save our time and try not to cause traffic congestion.

To conclude
, it would appear to have no other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
, available in cities
as a result
of increasing numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
markets.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will lose the opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the merchandises in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
to the exclusion of replacement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
markets.
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With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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