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More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that raising the price of fast foods will solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.12

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that raising the price of fast foods will solve this problem. v. 12
The issue of obesity is a serious health concern, especially for youngsters, as they are more exposed to a wide variety of ready-made meals. Regarding question whether increasing the cost of such foods will restrict people from buying, I completely disagree because prices do not seem to be the only encouraging factor as we shall see. To begin with, higher costs of junk food does not necessarily mean that people will not buy it, to satisfy their cravings. This means that people who are habitual will continue this pattern, despite the expensive prices of such foods. For example, fast food chains such as KFC, target children in their advertisement such as happy meals, force parents to fulfil the wishes of their loved ones. A better solution would be to improve the overall quality of such products by limiting the amount of preservatives and no compromise on the harmful ingredients they use. This will not only helpful for people, but also reduce the burden of healthcare facilities. Furthermore, the other major reason for the excessive consumption of fast food is the hectic schedules of people, as they are not able to spare time to cook for themselves. In such situations, higher prices will only affect their income rather than their usage of such foods. For instance, in Pakistan, working parents often opt for pre-cooked meals, rather than having a maid to cook for them and their children, because this would be a more expensive option than buying junk foods. This can be resolved only by providing awareness of the negative effects of such products, and allow more home-based tools such as rice-makers to ease the process of preparing meals. In conclusion, it is logical to accept that higher prices will restrict people’s access to fast foods. However, reforming the strategies for cooking at commercial outlets and subsidizing home-based cooking tools would appear to be much more effective to overcome this issue.
The issue of obesity is a serious health concern,
especially
for youngsters, as they are more exposed to a wide variety of ready-made meals. Regarding question whether increasing the cost of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
will restrict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from buying, I completely disagree
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
do not seem to be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
encouraging factor as we shall
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, higher costs of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
does not
necessarily
mean that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it, to satisfy their cravings. This means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are habitual will continue this pattern, despite the expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
chains such as KFC, target children in their advertisement such as happy meals, force parents to fulfil the wishes of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones. A better solution would be to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
overall
quality of such products by limiting the amount of preservatives and no compromise on the harmful ingredients they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. This will not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
helpful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the burden of healthcare facilities.

Furthermore
, the other major reason for the excessive consumption of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is the hectic schedules of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, as they are not able to spare time to cook for themselves. In such situations, higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
affect their income
rather
than their usage of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
.
For instance
, in Pakistan, working parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
opt for
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-cooked
meals,
rather
than having a maid to cook for them and their children,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this would be a more expensive option than buying junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
. This can
be resolved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
by providing awareness of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of such products, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
more home-based tools such as rice-makers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
the process of preparing meals.

In conclusion
, it is logical to accept that higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
will restrict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
access to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
.
However
, reforming the strategies for cooking at commercial outlets and subsidizing home-based cooking tools would appear to be much more effective to overcome this issue.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
A man who knows two languages is worth two men.
French Proverb

IELTS essay More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that raising the price of fast foods will solve this problem. v. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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