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The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops and cities closing. Do you agree or disagree? v.3

The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops and cities closing. v. 3
The debate of online shopping continues to be the hot topic these days, despite the popularity of huge commercial shops that are available in the metropolitan. The rise in the growth of online shopping, will lead to all colossal centres to shut down one day. I agree, that the net shopping will one day close down all the major shops and stalls in the main areas. To begin with, there are increasing number of online purchasing platforms for the individuals such as Amazon, Flipkart, E-bay, which are attracting a large number of customers on a daily basis because the items are easily available on such platforms with special discount coupons, so people are now depending on these apps, which provide them with a greater number of benefits. For example, a survey report submitted by an agency, stated that about 85% of the people in India use these apps for buying any kind of products via online transaction. In contrast, people feel lazy and complacent to visit these mini shops and buy commodities for themselves. Furthermore, to save their valuable time they adopt to shop online which is safe and reliable at the same time for each and every person. In other words, the variety of products in the shops have faded drastically. Moreover, the quality of foodstuffs which the sellers were selling 10 years ago have been dried off completely. For instance, a survey report submitted by the department, stated that about 75% of the people in Canada say, that they don't find enough time to visit the store and shop for their families, and the quality of the items in these stalls have been faded, that is why they prefer shopping online. To conclude, the topic of online shopping continues to be the hot topic these days, despite the growing popularity of huge commercial shops that are available in the cities. I completely agree, that the cyber shopping will one day close down all the major shops and stalls in the main areas.
The debate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
continues to be the hot topic these days, despite the popularity of huge commercial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
that are available in the metropolitan. The rise in the growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
, will lead to all colossal
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
to shut down one day. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
, that the net
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
will one day close down all the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
and stalls in the main areas.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
purchasing platforms for the individuals such as Amazon, Flipkart, E-bay, which are attracting
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
customers on a daily basis
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the items are
easily
available on such platforms with special discount coupons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
depending on these apps, which provide them with a greater number of benefits.
For example
, a survey report submitted by an agency, stated that about 85% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in India
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these apps for buying any kind of products via
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
transaction.

In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel lazy and complacent to visit these mini
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
commodities for themselves.
Furthermore
, to save their valuable time they
Did you mean "adapt to"?
adopt to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
which is safe and reliable at the same time for each and every person.
In other words
, the variety of products in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
have faded
drastically
.
Moreover
, the quality of foodstuffs which the sellers were selling 10 years ago have
been dried
off completely.
For instance
, a survey report submitted by the department, stated that about 75% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in Canada say, that they don't find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to visit the store and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
for their families, and the quality of the items in these stalls have
been faded
,
that is
why they prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
online.

To conclude
, the topic of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
continues to be the hot topic these days, despite the growing popularity of huge commercial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
that are available in the cities. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
, that the cyber
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
will one day close down all the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
and stalls in the main areas.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops and cities closing. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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