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The growth of online shopping will one day lead all shops in towns and cities closing. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

The growth of online shopping will one day lead all shops in towns and cities closing. v. 1
The shopping experience had been dramatically altered during the past two decades due to the evolution of online shopping, yet there remain some arguments whether this phenomenon would eventually cause to end the era of physical stores or not. While there are certainly valid arguments to the contrary, I personally believe that shoppers will continue to use physical stores because of their convenience and the experience they bring. First of all, it is clear that online markets have affected the existence of traditional stores because they provide an easy way to fulfill the requirements of shoppers and saves their time. However, some items are best bought through traditional stores and shops. For example, real stores provide a convenient method for shoppers to buy clothes and shoes because shoppers can try different pieces of clothes before he or she determines whether this piece is suitable or not. The lack of this option gives classic shops and markets a killer advantage because many consumers tend to make the buying decision after testing the product physically. Thus, it can be said that unless online sellers provide a practical method to overcome this obstacle, many shoppers will continue to visit traditional stores. Another reason is that virtual shopping experience, for some people, cannot provide the same satisfaction and joy that is brought through the classic shopping. This is because some people use their visits to shopping malls as an opportunity to spend a quality time with family and friends. This is why Amazon, the biggest e-commerce website, has opened around 200 physical stores during the last two years in the US in order to reach those customers who still prefer to shop traditionally. Therefore, considering shopping as a complete experience that involves many amusing activities for shoppers, it is easily understood why the collapse of traditional buying and selling is an idea that will diminish eventually. In conclusion, while some people believe that online markets will eventually dominate because of the ease and flexibility they bring, I strongly disagree to this view. Having manifested above that some prefer to buy from physical stores because of the experience they have while they shop and the convenience they feel about buying certain items and products, it can be said that classic shops would survive the massive growth of online markets.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
had been
dramatically
altered during the past two decades due to the evolution of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
,
yet
there remain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
arguments whether this phenomenon would
eventually
cause to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
the era of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
or not. While there are
certainly
valid arguments to the contrary, I
personally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shoppers
will continue to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their convenience and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
they bring.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
markets have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the existence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
an easy way to fulfill the requirements of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shoppers
and saves their time.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
items are best
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
.
For example
, real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
a convenient method for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shoppers
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
clothes and shoes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shoppers
can try
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
pieces of clothes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
he or she determines whether this piece is suitable or not. The lack of this option gives classic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
and markets a killer advantage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
consumers tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the buying decision after testing the product
physically
.
Thus
, it can
be said
that unless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
sellers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
a practical method to overcome this obstacle,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shoppers
will continue to visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
stores.

Another reason is that virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
the same satisfaction and joy that
is brought
through the classic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their visits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls as an opportunity to spend a quality time with family and friends. This is why Amazon, the biggest e-commerce website, has opened around 200
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
during the last two years in the US in order to reach those customers who
still
prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
traditionally
.
Therefore
, considering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
as a complete
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
that involves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
amusing activities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shoppers
, it is
easily
understood why the collapse of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
buying and selling is an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that will diminish
eventually
.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
markets will
eventually
dominate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
and flexibility they bring, I
strongly
disagree to this view. Having manifested above that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
they have while they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
and the convenience they feel about buying certain items and products, it can
be said
that classic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
would survive the massive growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
markets.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay The growth of online shopping will one day lead all shops in towns and cities closing. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
384 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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