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The government should allocate more funding to teaching sciences rather than other subjects in order for a country to develop and progress. To what extend do you agree? v.8

The government should allocate more funding to teaching sciences rather than other subjects in order for a country to develop and progress. v. 8
Allocating government budget for learning science is controversial. Some people claim that a nation can develop and progress if the government can allocate excess funds for teaching science rather than other subjects. I strongly agree with this statement. A country's future development and progression are dependent on science graduates because they bring in revenue to the government and they provide better health to civilians. Firstly, engineers are a major source of income to the government. In other words, these science graduates are salaried and they pay back all the taxes honestly. Unlike entrepreneurs these graduates do not escape from duties towards the nation. Indeed, authorities spend extensive budget to build engineering and medical schools. In addition, they also bring international recognition to a country. For instance, multinational companies like Infosys bring in an enormous amount of money to an organisation or to the nation. Overall, a nation can develop economically if it concentrates more on investing in teaching science subjects at university level. Secondly, a country's progress is assessed by the quality of health that the government can provide to the citizens. Correspondingly, infant mortality rate of developed countries is significantly less than developing nation. So, doctors contribute considerably in bringing down these mortality rates. Further, doctors are service-oriented and do take good care of the society by creating awareness about hygiene and nutrition. For instance, the UK ministry reinforces more money to improve the quality of medical education and therefore they have the best health care system in the world. To conclude, science graduates like engineers and doctors bring in a lot of money and also enhance the health of citizens. Finally, it is worth investing ministry funds on these science subjects.
Allocating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
budget for learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
is controversial.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
can develop and progress if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can allocate excess funds for teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
rather
than other subjects. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement. A country's future development and progression are dependent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
in revenue to the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
government and
they provide better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
to civilians.

Firstly
, engineers are a major source of income to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
In other words
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
salaried and
they pay back all the taxes
honestly
. Unlike entrepreneurs these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
do not escape from duties towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
Indeed
, authorities spend extensive budget to build engineering and medical schools.
In addition
, they
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
international recognition to a country.
For instance
, multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
like
Possible spelling mistake found.
Infosys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
in an enormous amount of money to an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
or to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
Overall
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
can develop
economically
if it concentrates more on investing in teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
subjects at university level.

Secondly
, a country's progress
is assessed
by the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can provide to the citizens.
Correspondingly
, infant mortality rate of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
is
significantly
less than developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, doctors contribute
considerably
in bringing down these mortality rates.
Further
, doctors are service-oriented and do take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
care of the society by creating awareness about hygiene and nutrition.
For instance
, the UK ministry reinforces more money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the quality of medical education and
therefore
they have the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care system in the world.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
like engineers and doctors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money and
also
enhance the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of citizens.
Finally
, it is worth investing ministry funds on these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
subjects.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay The government should allocate more funding to teaching sciences rather than other subjects in order for a country to develop and progress. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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