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Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football. Other people think that taking part in individual sports like tennis or swimming is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football. Other people think that taking part in individual sports like tennis or swimming is better. v. 2
It is argued that whether team sports bring more advantages than solo sports or not. From my point of view, all kinds of physical activities are indispensable parts of our life, and I would favour the latter over the former. On the one hand, participating in sports which are played in groups can be beneficial in terms of gaining teamwork skills and building a sense of team spirit. This is because each participant ought to support and corporate with others members in an attempt to win the competition. Those who are involved in the game will be likely to get a better mutual understanding, which always plays an integral part in working in a group. For instance, after engaging in football matches which are ubiquitous extracurricular activities in the Vietnamese companies and schools, most people find it easier to work with their colleagues. On the other hand, people tend to be more independent if they take part in individual sports such as swimming or tennis. Because, unlike other kinds of sports where sportsmen can play in turn, they have to be full-time at their games no matter how exhausted they are. Then, they might strengthen their endurance and self-discipline, leading to improvements in the ability to work independently. In my opinion, I am keen on solo physical activities as they do not require gathering the specific number of players to hold a game. Thus, I can be able to make a flexible training schedule. By way of conclusion, although people have different views on the most useful and practical sports, I believe that most sports can benefit us in a number of ways. People may opt for a physical activity mainly based on their preference, and I would choose individual sports due to their flexibility.
It
is argued
that whether team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
bring more advantages than solo
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
or not. From my point of view, all kinds of physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are indispensable parts of our life, and I would
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
the latter over the former.

On the one hand, participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
which
are played
in groups can be beneficial in terms of gaining teamwork
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and building a sense of team spirit. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
each participant ought to support and corporate with others members in an attempt to win the competition. Those who
are involved
in the game will be likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better mutual understanding, which always plays an integral part in working in a group.
For instance
, after engaging in football matches which are ubiquitous extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in the Vietnamese
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and schools, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find it easier to work with their colleagues.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to be more independent if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as swimming or tennis.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, unlike other kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
where sportsmen can play in turn, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be full-time at their games no matter how exhausted they are. Then, they might strengthen their endurance and self-discipline, leading to improvements in the ability to work
independently
. In my opinion, I am keen on solo physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
as they do not require gathering the specific number of players to hold a game.
Thus
, I can be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a flexible training schedule.

By way of conclusion, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views on the most useful and practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, I believe that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can benefit us in a number of ways.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
may opt for a physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
mainly
based on their preference, and I would choose individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
due to their flexibility.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football. Other people think that taking part in individual sports like tennis or swimming is better. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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