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The growth in the job market is demanding for exit interviews with the employees. How far do you think it is relevant? v.1

The growth in the job market is demanding for exit interviews with the employees. How far do you think it is relevant? v. 1
During the last decade, organising interviews with staffs who decided to leave a workplace has become popular in many companies. I strongly agree with the idea of exit interviews and believe that it will help organisations to improve its performance and maximise the profit of the business. In my opinion, the exit interviews are important for the businesses who want to expand its share market because the performance of the company positively correlates with the employees’ satisfaction. For example, happy and motivated staff can work much better than unhappy people. Additionally, the level of happiness varies from person to person and during the exit interviews staff can express more open and honest opinions what was missing in the company. For this reason, I believe that exit interviews are necessary in order to understand the reasons key employees leave a company as well as bring to gather the ideas how to improve the company and inspire others to continue to work for the organisation. The next point that needs to be taken into consideration is that the exit interviews are relevant to a high extent to companies in the competitive job market. The quicker the organisation recognises its weaknesses and causes of losing employees, the quicker this organisation becomes more attractive to other people to work in. Moreover, the financial performance of such companies is better than those who do not try to improve staff satisfaction in the workplace. To sum up, I firmly believe that, there is no doubt, it is important to organise the exit interviews in order to find out the cause employees’ leave their jobs.
During the last decade,
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interviews
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staffs
who decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
a workplace has become popular in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interviews
and believe that it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
its performance and
Possible spelling mistake. 'maximise' is British English.
maximise
the profit of the business.

In my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interviews
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the businesses who want to expand its share market
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the performance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
positively
correlates with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees’
satisfaction.
For example
, happy and motivated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
can work much better than unhappy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Additionally
, the level of happiness varies from person to person and during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interviews
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
can express more open and honest opinions what was missing in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
For this reason
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interviews
are necessary in order to understand the reasons key
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
as well
as bring to gather the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
and inspire others to continue to work for the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
.

The
next
point that needs to
be taken
into consideration is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interviews
are relevant to a high extent to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
in the competitive job market.
Duplicated 'the' in the phrase: 'The quicker the'. Did you mean "quicker the"?
The quicker the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognises' is British English.
recognises
its weaknesses and causes of losing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
, the quicker this
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
becomes more attractive to other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to work in.
Moreover
, the financial performance of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
is better than those who do not try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
satisfaction in the workplace.

To sum up, I
firmly
believe that, there is no doubt, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interviews
in order to find out the cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their jobs.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay The growth in the job market is demanding for exit interviews with the employees. How far do you think it is relevant? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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