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The growing number of overweight people is putting strain on the healthcare system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree/disagree? v.3

The growing number of overweight people is putting strain on the healthcare system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. v. 3
The health care system is pressurised to solve the problems caused by an increasing number of overweight people. Certain people believe that incorporating more physical education classes in the school schedule is key in dealing with this issue. I completely agree the above statement because this can help grow interest in exercising and act as a long-term approach. The best way to tackle the problem of obesity is to add more physical education lessons to their schedule as this will grow their passion in exercise and sports. For example, studies have shown that students are more likely to pursue a form of exercise after school if they have a growing interest. In addition, this interest can spread to their family members. Therefore, adding more exercise classes to the school curriculum causes a growing interest in staying healthy. Additionally, adding more physical education lessons is a long-term effect of eradicating the health problems caused by overweight people. In turn, this can continue beyond their schooling life, thus reduce the number of overweight people. This can ensure the population becomes healthier and fitter. For instance, the average child only undertakes a form of exercise 2 times per week, which is not merely enough to counteract their sedentary lifestyle. For this reason, incorporating more sport classes and extracurricular activities ensures a more fit population. In conclusion, adding more physical education classes can be beneficial to reduce the increasing rates of obesity because it can affect the future generation as well as assist in growing interest to continue an active lifestyle. Therefore, I completely agree with the statement.
The health care system is
Possible spelling mistake. 'pressurised' is British English.
pressurised
to solve the problems caused by an increasing number of overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that incorporating more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
in the school schedule is key in dealing with this issue. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
the above statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
grow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
in exercising and act as a long-term approach.

The best way to tackle the problem of obesity is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
lessons to their schedule as this will grow their passion in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
and sports.
For example
, studies have shown that students are more likely to pursue a form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
after school if they have a growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
.
In addition
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
can spread to their family members.
Therefore
, adding more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
to the school curriculum causes a growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
in staying healthy.

Additionally
, adding more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
lessons is a long-term effect of eradicating the health problems caused by overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In turn, this can continue beyond their schooling life,
thus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This can ensure the population becomes healthier and fitter.
For instance
, the average child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
undertakes a form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
2 times per week, which is not
merely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to counteract their sedentary lifestyle.
For this reason
, incorporating more sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
and extracurricular activities ensures a more fit population.

In conclusion
, adding more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
can be beneficial to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the increasing rates of obesity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can affect the future generation
as well
as assist in growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
to continue an active lifestyle.
Therefore
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The growing number of overweight people is putting strain on the healthcare system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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