Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to The deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to The deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. v. 3
Obesity is one of the leading problems in which our society face, nowadays. There are many ways in finding a solution to decrease the number of people who experienced the effects of being overweight in our health condition. Physical education must emphasize in the curriculum to lessen this issue. This essay will explain why I totally agree. To begin with, there are lots of measures to prevent every individual in becoming an obese. First and foremost, as stated above, putting more importance in including physical education in the school can help the students to be more aware and knowledgeable to some physical exercises being taught by their teachers. Also, it will be beneficial to the youngsters that they will be educated about the detrimental effects of becoming overweight. For instance, my niece, a 10-year-old student becoming conscious about his diet and doing some exercises because it is what he learned from their masters. So, giving importance to this kind of subject will help to prevent childhood obesity. On the other hand, some people oppose the aforementioned statement because for them it is a waste of time and focusing to the major subjects such as English, Science and Technology should be the main goal. Others, also believed that losing weight and preventing to acquire the impact of obesity in our health can be self-learned. In addition, the healthcare providers should also be responsible in educating our society. For instance, in one of the community health centre in the Philippines, they conduct a seminar and created an exercise program for those who are above the normal weight. In conclusion, in order to prevent obesity and the bad effects in our well-being such as in having cardiovascular and endocrine diseases, physical education must significantly introduce in every university.
Obesity is one of the leading problems in which our society face, nowadays. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways in finding a solution to decrease the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who experienced the effects of being overweight in our health condition.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Physical
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
emphasize in the curriculum to lessen this issue. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are lots of measures to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
every individual in becoming
Probably a noun is missing in this part of the sentence.
an obese
.
First
and foremost, as stated above, putting more importance in including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
education in the school can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the students to be more aware and knowledgeable to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
exercises
being taught
by their teachers.
Also
, it will be beneficial to the youngsters that they will
be educated
about the detrimental effects of becoming overweight.
For instance
, my niece, a 10-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
student becoming conscious about his diet and doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exercises
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is what he learned from their masters.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, giving importance to this kind of subject will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
childhood obesity.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
oppose the aforementioned statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
for them it is a waste of time and focusing to the major subjects such as English, Science and Technology should be the main goal. Others,
also
believed that losing weight and preventing to acquire the impact of obesity in our health can be self-learned.
In addition
, the healthcare providers should
also
be responsible in educating our society.
For instance
, in one of the community health
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
in the Philippines, they conduct a seminar and created an exercise program for those who are above the normal weight.

In conclusion
, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
obesity and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects in our well-being such as in having cardiovascular and endocrine diseases,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
significantly
introduce in every university.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to The deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts