Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The growing number of overweight people is putting strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical health education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

The growing number of overweight people is putting strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical health education lessons in the school curriculum. v. 1
The growing population of people with obesity is at a very fast rate in recent times and the burden on the health care system has become a very big concern. I strongly agree with some people who argue that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce physical education lesson in the school curriculum. Firstly, the development of every child starts when they are introduced to a lot of things at an early age, which later benefits the child in the long run. Physical education should be seen from this angle. If a child is taught how to live healthy it is obvious that the child will most likely live that way. It is pertinent to understand that it is more fun to participate in sports in schools. This is will help the child to keep fit and also enjoy sports with other children. Secondly, physical education will also teach the children basic hygiene and how to choose healthy foods. In addition, such way of life will draw the attention of the parents. It is a well-known fact that parents of children who are active in sports may also tend to engage in sports just to support their children. This is certainly a natural and lasting way to improve public health. In conclusion, it becomes obvious that if you educate a child, you educate a family thus educating a nation. Therefore, to deal with an increasing population of unfit, overweight people changing the lifestyle of the coming generation by introducing sports is the easiest and most effective method to use.
The growing population of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with obesity is at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
rate in recent times and the burden on the health care system has become a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
concern. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who argue that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce physical education lesson in the school curriculum.

Firstly
, the development of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
when they
are introduced
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things at an early age, which later benefits the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
in the long run. Physical education should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from this angle.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is taught
how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
healthy it is obvious that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
will most likely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
that way. It is pertinent to understand that it is more fun to participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in schools. This is will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
fit and
also
enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
with other children.

Secondly
, physical education will
also
teach the children basic hygiene and how to choose healthy foods.
In addition
, such way of life will draw the attention of the parents.
It is a well-known fact that
parents of children who are active in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
may
also
tend to engage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to support their children. This is
certainly
a natural and lasting way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
public health.

In conclusion
, it becomes obvious that if you educate a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
, you educate a family
thus
educating a nation.
Therefore
, to deal with an increasing population of unfit, overweight
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
changing the lifestyle of the coming generation by introducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is the easiest and most effective method to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay The growing number of overweight people is putting strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical health education lessons in the school curriculum. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts