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some young people are leaving the country side to live in cities and town, leaving only old people in countryside. What problem does this cause? What can be done to solve this problem? v.1

some young people are leaving the country side to live in cities and town, leaving only old people in countryside. What problem does this cause? What can be done to solve this problem? v. 1
Over the years, there has been an immense development in cities and towns, this has led young individuals to migrate in search of a better life, leaving aged people in the countryside to cater for themselves. This indeed has some negative impacts, but some measures can be taken to reduce this menace. To begin with, our world has been developing constantly. There are a lot of new facilities in cities which are created every day. Thus, megalopolises are required to find new people. Another aspect to be mentioned is that more young people are leaving the rural areas to become wealthy. Unfortunately, hardly can one deny that this trend is killing towns and countryside where young adults grew up. For instance, it was reported in 2017 in The New York Times that small towns in Russia are losing about 80 per cent of 20-odd people who moved to the cities annually because of money and possibilities. Turning to a possible solution, perhaps the immediate step for governments would be to make small towns more attractive for youngsters. This could be done thoroughly to transfer some huge companies to the countryside. Indeed, on several occasions, such an approach was proven to be efficient. Take the case of Japan. About a decade ago the government of this country made a law that the biggest companies in Japan cannot be located in huge cities. As a result, young people stayed in their towns since they did not need to leave it because of well-paid jobs or facilities. In conclusion, taking everything into account it must be said that, currently, this problem still is a crucial issue for our society. Countries should discover Japan's example to avoid such following problem as overpopulation in the future.
Over the years, there has been an immense development in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
towns
, this has led
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
individuals to migrate in search of a better life, leaving aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the countryside to cater for themselves. This
indeed
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures can
be taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
this menace.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, our world has been developing
constantly
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
new facilities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
which
are created
every day.
Thus
, megalopolises
are required
to find new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Another aspect to
be mentioned
is that more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are leaving the rural areas to become wealthy. Unfortunately, hardly can one deny that this trend is killing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
towns
and countryside where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults grew up.
For instance
, it
was reported
in 2017 in The New York Times that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
towns
in Russia are losing about 80 per cent of 20-odd
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
annually
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of money and possibilities.

Turning to a possible solution, perhaps the immediate step for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
would be to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
towns
more attractive for youngsters. This could
be done
thoroughly
to transfer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
huge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to the countryside.
Indeed
, on several occasions, such an approach
was proven
to be efficient. Take the case of Japan. About a decade ago the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of this country made a law that the biggest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
in Japan cannot
be located
in huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
stayed in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
towns
since they did not need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of well-paid jobs or facilities.

In conclusion
, taking everything into account it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be said
that,
currently
, this problem
still
is a crucial issue for our society. Countries should discover Japan's example to avoid such following problem as overpopulation in the future.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
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Persian Proverb

IELTS essay some young people are leaving the country side to live in cities and town, leaving only old people in countryside. What problem does this cause? What can be done to solve this problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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