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growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to The deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to The deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. v. 1
People are increasingly becoming obese which has put a stress on health systems to cope with the involving health problems. Some people believe the best way to overcome this problem is by introducing more health related lessons in school. This essay will discuss why there is an increasing tendency in obesity, in the society and how it can be reduced by teaching lessons. Firstly, People are becoming overweight due to unhealthy eating habits. Conversely, this had put an impact on health care systems because of which they are unable to deal with these issues. Although, there are plethora of health related issues, obesity is in increasing number. For example, people find it difficult as half of the world is suffering from obesity and this can be tackled by reducing the amount of consuming junk foods. Moreover, there would be a relief for the health care systems by not taking much strain on them. Some people believe that, the best way to decrease the amount of unhealthiness in the community is by giving lessons related to physical education in school. In contrast, people should be taught about the importance of physical education lessons not only in school, but also in the society, giving this information to adults as well. For instance, a recent survey on health education has revealed that, people who are aware of physical education lessons are considerably fit compared to who are not aware of this. So, not only school should introduce lessons but also society should know about this awareness. In conclusion. , I completely agree that, lessons should be taught to each individual related to health and fitness. Therefore, it will keep the nation healthy and fit. Thus, not putting a stress on health care systems.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are
increasingly
becoming obese which has put a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
to cope with the involving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe the best way to overcome this problem is by introducing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. This essay will discuss why there is an increasing tendency in obesity, in the society and how it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by teaching lessons.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are becoming overweight due to unhealthy eating habits.
Conversely
, this had put an impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of which they are unable to deal with these issues. Although, there are plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
related
issues, obesity is in increasing number.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find it difficult as half of the world is suffering from obesity and this can
be tackled
by reducing the amount of consuming junk foods.
Moreover
, there would be a relief for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
by not taking much strain on them.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that, the best way to decrease the amount of unhealthiness in the community is by giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
related
to physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be taught
about the importance of physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in the society, giving this information to adults
as well
.
For instance
, a recent survey on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has revealed that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are aware of physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
are
considerably
fit compared to who are not aware of this.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
should introduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
society should know about this awareness.

In conclusion
.
Loose punctuation mark.
,
I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
should
be taught
to each individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
related
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and fitness.
Therefore
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the nation healthy and fit.
Thus
, not putting a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
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Amy Chua

IELTS essay growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to The deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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