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The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.18

The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum. v. 18
Some people believe that more physical education lessons in the school curriculum will help combat overweight problems amongst the people. In my opinion, this approach / move will help create a nation of health conscious people. This, in turn, will reduce the burden on the government to contribute to the health sector. Instead, it can use those resources in areas like education and employment. First and foremost, children are more likely to follow what is taught in the classroom. So, if there are more physical education lessons, they will readily learn about ways to keep them fit and healthy. By giving extra importance to physical education, teachers can instill in children the habit of following a healthy lifestyle from the start. In addition, nowadays in many families, both the husband and the wife work and hence they do not have time to monitor the eating habits of their children. In such situations, if the child is well-informed he can help himself to decide when to eat what. Also, a habit that is developed during younger stages in life is more likely to stay with them throughout their life. A well informed person will not only follow a healthy routine himself, but will also motivate the people around him. Finally, overweight problems, if not controlled, lead to obesity and combating obesity is a tough task. It not only requires individual efforts, but also medications. This increases the burden on the government to invest in a situation which could have stopped earlier. Worse still, it blocks funds which could have been used in more critical areas like poverty. In conclusion, I believe imparting physical education at the right age will help fight overweight problems and reduce government spending in the health care sector.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
lessons in the school curriculum will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
combat overweight problems amongst the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In my opinion, this approach /
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
create a nation of health conscious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This, in turn, will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the burden on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to contribute to the health sector.
Instead
, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
those resources in areas like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and employment.

First
and foremost, children are more likely to follow what
is taught
in the classroom.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, if there are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
lessons, they will
readily
learn about ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them fit and healthy. By giving extra importance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, teachers can instill in children the habit of following a healthy lifestyle from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
.
In addition
, nowadays in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families, both the husband and the wife work and
hence
they do not have time to monitor the eating habits of their children. In such situations, if the child is well-informed he can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
himself to decide when to eat what.

Also
, a habit that
is developed
during younger stages in life is more likely to stay with them throughout their life. A
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well informed
person will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
follow a healthy routine himself,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
will
also
motivate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around him.
Finally
, overweight problems, if not controlled, lead to obesity and combating obesity is a tough task. It not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
requires individual efforts,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
medications. This increases the burden on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to invest in a situation which could have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
earlier. Worse
still
, it blocks funds which could have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in more critical areas like poverty.

In conclusion
, I believe imparting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
at the right age will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
fight overweight problems and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
spending in the health care sector.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum. v. 18

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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