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The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.10

The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical lessons in the school curriculum. v. 10
More and more people are becoming obese due to a sedentary lifestyle. This results in poor well-being of the people and causes a strain on the health care system. This essay with explain why physical learning alone is not enough, we also need a alter the attitude of the people in order to tackle this problem. Physical learning plays an important role in the physical well being of the people. By making these courses mandatory as a part of the curriculum, awareness about the importance of wellbeing can be instigated at an early stage of life in the student which helps in keeping them disease free. For instance, many studies have found that citizens who have been taught and were active physically as a student tend to have a good immune system and so have less medical expenses. Along with physical education, modifying the mindset of people is really important for improving the physical well being. By shifting the behaviour to a healthy lifestyle by eating nutritious food and avoid junk food, people can improve their fitness. For example, people having green vegetables as a part of their diet are healthier than people eating junk foods. Thus, in order to improve people's fitness, it is very important to change the behaviour to eat healthy. This essay discussed how health education can help in having a healthy life and in turn can reduce the pressure on the health care system. However, in my opinion in addition to fitness education, an alteration in the public attitude is also necessary to improve their well being.
More and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming obese due to a sedentary lifestyle. This results in poor well-being of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and causes a strain on the health care system. This essay with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
learning alone is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
, we
also
need
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
alter the attitude of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in order to tackle this problem.

Physical learning plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. By making these courses mandatory as a part of the curriculum, awareness about the importance of
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
can
be instigated
at an early stage of life in the student which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in keeping them disease free.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
studies have found that citizens who have
been taught
and were active
physically
as a student tend to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
immune system and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
have less medical expenses.

Along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
education, modifying the mindset of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for improving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
. By shifting the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
to a healthy lifestyle by eating nutritious food and avoid junk food,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their fitness.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
having green vegetables as a part of their diet are healthier than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
eating junk foods.
Thus
, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's fitness, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
to eat healthy.

This essay discussed how health education can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in having a healthy life and in turn can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the pressure on the health care system.
However
, in my opinion
in addition
to fitness education, an alteration in the public attitude is
also
necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical lessons in the school curriculum. v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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