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The graphs below show the size of ozone hole over Antarctica an the production of three ozone damaging gases from 1980 to 2000 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant v.1

The graphs below show the size of ozone hole over Antarctica an the production of three ozone damaging gases from 1980 to 2000
Nowadays it seems to be boring for people to go to travel to some locations where we used to go such as Korea, Europe. People would like to have some exciting experiences of their trip, so they choose places like the Sahara Desert or the Antarctic. These places have tough conditions. Therefore, I will discuss about both good things and bad things if we travel to these places. On the one hand, people will learn surviving skills in challenging/extreme weather situations such as how to warm your body when you are in the freezing temperature (32°F) of the Antarctic or how to find water if you are stuck/lost in a desert. Once they’ve learned the surviving skills, they will be more persistent. Therefore, they will not give up easily/effortlessly so that they can finish/complete/end their journey successfully/triumphantly. After the adventure, they will achieve energy, health/strength/vitality and many worthy/valuable/helpful experiences/skills. This journey will be one of the most memorable/unforgettable adventures in their entire life because they can see some beautiful scenes that cannot be seen nowhere else. But on the other hand, it can be risky to our life. Lots of travellers have lost while journeying the Sahara Desert or while travelling/exploring the Antarctic. When they are lost, disasters are likely to happen. So people can get hurt easily or maybe, in the worst case, die. They will also get serious injuries that leave them motionless for the rest of their lives, such as being poisoned by snakes in the Sahara or having an accident while travelling the Antarctic. In conclusion, visiting places with difficult condition have both interests and dangerousness. People should consider carefully before attending to such journeys.
Nowadays it seems to be boring for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to go to travel to 
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
locations where we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to go such as Korea, Europe.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
would like to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exciting experiences of their trip,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they choose places like the Sahara Desert or the Antarctic. These places have tough conditions.
Therefore
, I will
Did you mean simply "discuss both"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
things and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things if we travel to these places.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will learn
If 'learn' is used as a verb, it usually requires the infinitive: "to survive".
surviving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in challenging/extreme weather situations such as how to warm your body when you are in the freezing temperature (
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "32 °F"
32°F
) of the Antarctic or how to find water if you
are stuck
/lost in a desert. Once they’ve learned the surviving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, they will be more persistent.
Therefore
, they will not give up
easily
/
effortlessly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can finish/complete/
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
their journey
successfully
/
triumphantly
. After the adventure, they will achieve energy, health/strength/vitality and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
worthy/valuable/helpful experiences/
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. This journey will be one of the most memorable/unforgettable adventures in their entire life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
scenes that cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
nowhere else.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
on the other hand
, it can be risky to our life. Lots of
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
have lost while journeying the Sahara Desert or while travelling/exploring the Antarctic. When they
are lost
, disasters are likely to happen.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
hurt
easily
or maybe, in the worst case,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
. They will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
serious injuries that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
them motionless for the rest of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, such as
being poisoned
by snakes in the Sahara or having an accident while travelling the Antarctic.

In conclusion
, visiting places with difficult condition have both interests and
Possible spelling mistake found.
dangerousness
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should consider
carefully
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
attending to such journeys.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The graphs below show the size of ozone hole over Antarctica an the production of three ozone damaging gases from 1980 to 2000

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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