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WRITING TASK 1You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The bar graph below shows the numbers of employed persons by job type and sex for Australia in the year 2003. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make co v.3

WRITING TASK 1 The bar graph below shows the numbers of employed persons by job type and sex for Australia in the year 2003.
News has been a reliable source of information and knowledge. Many people believe that newspapers and television channels are impacting us in a positive way, whereas, other people reckon that is disagreement. I strongly agree with this phenomenon and in the ensuing paragraphs I will allude to these arguments further. Today, the world is changing rapidly, it is crucial to keep ourselves updated with the latest developments. News provides us a deep knowledge and understanding of the latest happenings around the world. For example, a few days ago, thousands of kilometres forest burns in Australia and around one million natural habitats, killed, this news informed and knowing about the phenomena by the news channels. Furthermore, the news helps numerous way. If you are learning a foreign language, it would help in different areas. Such as reading skill, and learning new vocabulary. As a result, it makes very easy for people to react to current events. Media is the vital source of entertaining, which rejuvenates and entertains us throughout the day. People have a lot of stress in their daily life. Listening to favourite music and watching videos give us a relief from the job work and relaxation from family conflicts. For instance, I am a student who spends around two hours every night to watch a comedy show on television because it is evident that the media plays an important role in our daily life. To conclude, I strongly opine that the news and media influence people live in a positive way as they entertain and give latest news us.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
News
has been a reliable source of information and knowledge.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that newspapers and television channels are impacting us in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
way, whereas, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
reckon
that is
disagreement. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this phenomenon and in the ensuing paragraphs I will allude to these arguments
further
.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, the world is changing
rapidly
, it is crucial to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
ourselves updated with the latest developments.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
News
provides us a deep knowledge and understanding of the latest happenings around the world.
For example
, a few days ago, thousands of
Possible spelling mistake. 'kilometres' is British English.
kilometres
forest burns in Australia and around one million natural habitats, killed, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
informed and knowing about the phenomena by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
channels.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
numerous way. If you are learning a foreign language, it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
areas. Such as reading
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
, and learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
vocabulary.
As a result
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to react to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.

Media is the vital source of entertaining, which rejuvenates and entertains us throughout the day.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in their daily life. Listening to
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
music and watching videos give us a relief from the job work and relaxation from family conflicts.
For instance
, I am a student who spends around two hours every night to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
a comedy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
on television
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is evident that the media plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in our daily life.

To conclude
, I
strongly
opine that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
and media influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
way as they entertain and give
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
us.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay WRITING TASK 1 The bar graph below shows the numbers of employed persons by job type and sex for Australia in the year 2003.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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