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Some people prefer to be self employed, whereas others like working for companies or institutions. Which is a better approach. v.2

Some people prefer to be self employed, whereas others like working for companies or institutions. Which is a better approach. v. 2
In recent times, work culture has seen a dramatic change. Myriads of people have shifted from working for a company job to being self-employed. While the latter has plenty of benefits, the drawbacks that come along cannot be ignored. The rising trend of working as a freelancer is connected with flexibility in work. This is because unlike an office job, self-employed people are not restricted with company policies and regulations. This means they have complete freedom over all aspects of work such as working hours and deadlines. For instance, for a two-day task, one may not work for the first day at all and complete everything the second day. Alternatively, in a controlled office environment, employees are required to work daily or for a specified period. On the other hand, being self-employed comes with increased responsibilities. An organization has a systematic hierarchy and work is divided accordingly. However, if one decides to work for oneself, all obligations fall into shoulders of a single person. This often results in stress and anxiety. For example, in a software company, providing good customer care is as prominent as developing a new software. A self-employed person must be able to regulate both these daunting tasks all by themselves. As a result, many a times individuals bite off more than they could chew. To sum up, although being self-employed provides elastic working environments. The fact that an individual need to be in charge of all the aspects of work should be considered as well. I believe freedom in work outweighs all disadvantages.
In recent times,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
culture has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a dramatic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. Myriads of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have shifted from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
job to being self-employed. While the latter has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of benefits, the drawbacks that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
along cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
.

The rising trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
as a freelancer
is connected
with flexibility in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
unlike an office job, self-employed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are not restricted with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
policies and regulations. This means they have complete freedom over all aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours and deadlines.
For instance
, for a two-day task, one may not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for the
first
day at all and complete everything the second day.
Alternatively
, in a controlled office environment, employees
are required
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
daily or for a specified period.

On the other hand
, being self-employed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with increased responsibilities. An organization has a systematic hierarchy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is divided
accordingly
.
However
, if one decides to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for oneself, all obligations fall into shoulders of a single person. This
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
results in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and anxiety.
For example
, in a software
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, providing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
customer care is as prominent as developing a new software. A self-employed person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be able to regulate both these daunting tasks all by themselves.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
a times individuals bite off more than they could chew.

To sum up, although being self-employed provides elastic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
environments. The fact that an individual need to be in charge of all the aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
should
be considered
as well
. I believe freedom in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
outweighs all disadvantages.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay Some people prefer to be self employed, whereas others like working for companies or institutions. Which is a better approach. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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