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The graph shows the proportion of energy that was produced from coal in four European countries from 1995 to 2010 v.1

The graph shows the proportion of energy that was produced from coal in four European countries from 1995 to 2010 v. 1
Advancement in technology opened doors to various methods of shopping. Shopping online has become one of the primary methods of purchasing goods and services. I totally disagree, with the author's point of view. Buying goods can only take up a few percentages of regular shopping methods, but will not lead to shutting down majority of shops in cities and towns. Raise in access to technology, has given consumers a chance to explore different shopping methods. Shopping online thought popular e-commerce websites became a trend among today's younger generation. Moreover, it has given consumers the benefit to search and purchase products easily. However, this style of shopping has taken away the traditional look and feel for the product consumers used to experience before purchasing it. For instance, the survey conducted by a retail store shows that consumers prefer to demo products like home appliances, perfumes, and other expensive goods before consuming. Easiest way of owning the product is to go to the nearest local store and purchasing. Online shopping made product delivery comfortable to your door steps, but the price for delivering, damage and return policies need to be paid by the consumer. On the other hand, shopping at the nearest store will overcome any such problem associated, giving consumer more flexibility to return the product in short span of time and owning a new one. Furthermore, online e-commerce giants are coming up with more and more e-shops in towns and cities to overcome this barrier. In conclusion, online shopping has given the opportunity of finding products and owing them at user's comfort level. Replacing, the idea of the way user looks and feel for the product cannot go away, on top of that the barrier associated with delivery and other policies of online shopping makes it hard for the closing of all shops in town and cities.
Advancement in technology opened doors to various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
has become one of the primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
of purchasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and services. I
totally
disagree, with the author's point of view. Buying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
take up a few percentages of regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
will not lead to shutting down majority of shops in cities and towns.

Raise in access to technology, has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
a chance to explore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
popular e-commerce websites became a trend among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's younger generation.
Moreover
, it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
the benefit to search and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
easily
.
However
, this style of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has taken away the traditional look and feel for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
purchasing it.
For instance
, the survey conducted by a retail store
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
prefer to demo
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
like home appliances, perfumes, and other expensive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
consuming.

A determiner is probably missing here: "the Easiest".
Easiest
way of owning the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
is to go to the nearest local store and purchasing.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
delivery comfortable to your door steps,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the price for delivering, damage and return policies need to
be paid
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
at the nearest store will overcome any such problem associated, giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
more flexibility to return the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
in short span of time and owning a new one.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
e-commerce giants are coming up with more and more e-shops in towns and cities to overcome this barrier.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the opportunity of finding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and owing them at user's comfort level. Replacing, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of the way user looks and feel for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
cannot go away,
on top of that
the barrier associated with delivery and other policies of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for the closing of all shops in town and cities.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay The graph shows the proportion of energy that was produced from coal in four European countries from 1995 to 2010 v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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