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The graph shows the data about the annual earning of three different bakeries in London from 2000 to 2010. v.1

The graph shows the data about the annual earning of three different bakeries in London from 2000 to 2010. v. 1
Museums of different kinds, exhibiting objects of historical, cultural and scientific values have always enjoyed great significance in the society. However, most of these museums, in recent years, do not provide free access to the visitors. Although this change might lead to a negative consequence, such as a decline in the number of visitors, it definitely offers more benefits to the museum and the society. In my opinion, it is far better to charge an entry fee than allowing anyone and everyone inside for free. Firstly, these institutions do not have any source of revenue other than the funds received from the government’s budget. Thus, the greatest advantage of this development is that the admission charges can actually generate and augment their income, which in turn can be used to pay the salary of the employees working there and also for the renovation and conservation of its infrastructure. A good illustration of this is the Madame Tussauds Museum in London. Despite the ticket prices being exorbitantly high, it has been drawing tourists because of its quality and innovation. Furthermore, the visits of beggars and lovers, who come here for personal objectives and not to understand the real importance of museums will be hindered, thus providing a hassle-free entry to others who actually want to gain knowledge. However, there are a few challenges which the museum and the public might have to face owing to the entry fee. Firstly, every citizen has the right to receive access to a place which is culturally and historically important for them; hence, in this sense, the introduction of the admission fee violates their right to knowledge and information. To illustrate, the admission fee may stand in the way of poor/financially weak people who are genuinely interested in gathering information. In conclusion, charging an entry fee may certainly reduce the number of people visiting the museum; however, it generates revenue which can be used for the proper maintenance of the place. Over time, this may actually increase the number of visitors; hence, in my opinion, the advantages of collecting a fee from the visitors outweigh the disadvantages.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds, exhibiting objects of historical, cultural and scientific values have always enjoyed great significance in the society.
However
, most of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
, in recent years, do not provide free access to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
. Although this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
might lead to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequence, such as a decline in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
, it definitely offers more benefits to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
and the society. In my opinion, it is far better to charge an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
than allowing anyone and everyone inside for free.

Firstly
, these institutions do not have any source of revenue other than the funds received from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
’s budget.
Thus
, the greatest advantage of this development is that the admission charges can actually generate and augment their income, which in turn can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to pay the salary of the employees working there and
also
for the renovation and conservation of its infrastructure. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this is the Madame
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tussauds
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
in London. Despite the ticket prices being
exorbitantly
high, it has been drawing tourists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its quality and innovation.
Furthermore
, the visits of beggars and lovers, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
here for personal objectives and not to understand the real importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
will
be hindered
,
thus
providing a hassle-free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
to others who actually want to gain knowledge.

However
, there are a few challenges which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
and the public might
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face owing to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
.
Firstly
, every citizen has the right to receive access to a place which is
culturally
and
historically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for them;
hence
, in this sense, the introduction of the admission
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
violates their right to knowledge and information. To illustrate, the admission
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
may stand in the way of poor/
financially
weak
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are
genuinely
interested in gathering information.

In conclusion
, charging an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
may
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
visiting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
;
however
, it generates revenue which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for the proper maintenance of the place. Over time, this may actually increase the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
;
hence
, in my opinion, the advantages of collecting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
outweigh the disadvantages.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay The graph shows the data about the annual earning of three different bakeries in London from 2000 to 2010. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
352 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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