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The graph shows the changes in the spending habits of people in the UK between 1971 and 2001. Write a report to a university lecturer describing the data. v.1

The graph shows the changes in the spending habits of people in the UK between 1971 and 2001. Write a report to a university lecturer describing the data. v. 1
Some people believe that all university students should learn about the subjects whatever they want. However, I disagree with this point of view. This essay will talk about the reason that young people need to study useful subjects rather than they like. To begin with, it is undeniable that studying preferred lessons can bring some positives to university students. First of all, they can feel satisfied when they are learning about subjects they want. It may be one way to fill the self-satisfaction, and therefore it can reduce the stressful feelings which result from studying. Secondly, students can pay particular attention to study. It is true that personal preferences affects behaviours. Therefore, it helps them study effectively and concentrate on their tasks during taking courses. On the other hand, taking only preferred lessons can also cause drawbacks. Firstly, if they only study the subject which they want to know, less preferred subjects, especially it's difficult to learn, will be gradually disappearing. In fact, for my experience, a friend of mine could not study her major anymore because her university had decided to get rid of her major due to lack of people's demands. In addition, they can have some difficulties to get a job. This is because that some courses will not be useful in the future, even though the majority people want to study. Taking classes under the personal preference may cause low income to people in the future. When it comes closer to the positives of study useful subjects in the university, the main benefit is related to the income. People who learn about the subjects, like science or technology, would be able to get a higher salary than people who didn't. Therefore, it is necessary that young people take efficient classes. Another reason is for national power. Modern people said they are living in the period that the information is the weapon. It is helpful that students learn about subjects which the worldwide requires to know to raise strong national power in the long term. In conclusion, as the reasons above show, It seems to me that studying useful subjects, such as science or technology, will bring noticeable benefits in terms of incomes and national powers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
whatever they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
.
However
, I disagree with this point of view. This essay will talk about the reason that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
useful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
rather
than they like.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is undeniable that studying preferred lessons can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
positives to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, they can feel satisfied when they are learning about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
. It may be one way to fill the self-satisfaction, and
therefore
it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the stressful feelings which result from studying.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can pay particular attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. It is true that personal preferences affects
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
.
Therefore
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
effectively
and concentrate on their tasks during taking courses.

On the other hand
, taking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
preferred lessons can
also
cause drawbacks.
Firstly
, if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
which they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to know, less preferred
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
,
especially
it's difficult to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
, will be
gradually
disappearing. In fact, for my experience, a friend of mine could not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
her major anymore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
had decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of her major due to lack of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's demands.
In addition
, they can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
difficulties to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
courses will not be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
useful
in the future,
even though
the majority
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. Taking classes under the personal preference may cause low income to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the future.

When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
closer to the positives of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
useful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, the main benefit
is related
to the income.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, like science or technology, would be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a higher salary than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who didn't.
Therefore
, it is necessary that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take efficient classes. Another reason is for national power. Modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
said they are living in the period that the information is the weapon. It is helpful that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
which the worldwide
The word 'requires' is not a noun. Did you mean "requirements"?
requires
to know to raise strong national power in the long term.

In conclusion
, as the reasons above
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
, It seems to me that studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
useful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, such as science or technology, will bring noticeable benefits in terms of incomes and national powers.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The graph shows the changes in the spending habits of people in the UK between 1971 and 2001. Write a report to a university lecturer describing the data. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
369 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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