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The graph shows the changes in percentages of various digital devices users in one European city to browse the Internet and send emails between 2000 and 2008. Describe the trend and changes in the chart. v.1

The graph shows the changes in percentages of various digital devices users in one European city to browse the Internet and send emails between 2000 and 2008. Describe the trend and changes in the chart. v. 1
Air pollution caused by transportation has become a growing concern over recent years. A number of people think that people should be accountable for this problem, whereas others think that the responsibility of the problem is held by the administrators. As well as giving my opinion, this essay will discuss why people should be entirely responsible for the transportation-based problems due to human actions, and why the policy makers also need to have a responsibility for this issue. On the one hand, there are a few major factors which lead to pollution problems. Human activity plays the most destructive role in the environment, which is undoubtedly one of these factors, because the large majority of the population still use private cars, which contribute to increase the high level of air pollution in big cities. For example, according to the U. S. Environmental Protection Agency, human activities, whose fossil-fueled private cars are the top component, are largely responsible for an increase in temperature around the globe, primarily due to carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gas emissions. Therefore, people should be accountable for the problems in associated with the environmental pollution due to the prevalence of human activity. On the other hand, despite the fact people are the indisputable responsible for the air pollution resulted from private cars, saving the planet for our future generations requires a collective responsibility. In other words, the government, which is the most effective and powerful instrument in society, should also take a responsibility. Moreover, the first of the steps which the politicians should take is to collaborate with citizens. For instance, the government can invest in eco-friendly technologies such as electric cars so that people can quickly adapt these technologies, which reduce the level of carbon dioxide releasing from diesel and petrol cars. Hence, the government should take its own responsibilities by collaborating with its citizens. In conclusion, the government should have its own responsibilities. In my opinion, people, however, should be the prime responsibility for the problem of pollution due to the prevalence of private cars as a human activity.
Air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
caused by transportation has become a growing concern over recent years. A number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be accountable for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, whereas others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is held
by the administrators.
As well
as giving my opinion, this essay will discuss why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be
entirely
responsible for the transportation-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
actions, and why the
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
policy makers
also
need to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
for this issue.

On the one hand, there are a few major factors which lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Human
activity plays the most destructive role in the environment, which is
undoubtedly
one of these factors,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the large majority of the population
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
, which contribute to increase the high level of air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities.
For example
, according to the U. S. Environmental Protection Agency,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
activities, whose fossil-fueled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
are the top component, are
largely
responsible for an increase in temperature around the globe,
primarily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to carbon dioxide and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
greenhouse gas emissions.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be accountable for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in associated with the environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the prevalence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
activity.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, despite the fact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are the indisputable responsible for the air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
resulted from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
, saving the planet for our future generations requires a collective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, which is the most effective and powerful instrument in society, should
also
take a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
.
Moreover
, the
first
of the steps which the politicians should take is to collaborate with citizens.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can invest in eco-friendly technologies such as electric
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
quickly
adapt these technologies, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the level of carbon dioxide releasing from diesel and petrol
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
.
Hence
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should take its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
by collaborating with its citizens.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should have its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
however
, should be the prime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the prevalence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
activity.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The graph shows the changes in percentages of various digital devices users in one European city to browse the Internet and send emails between 2000 and 2008. Describe the trend and changes in the chart. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
345 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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