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The graph shows the amount of money spent on books in Germany, France, Italy and Australia between 1995 anhd 2000. v.1

The graph shows the amount of money spent on books in Germany, France, Italy and Australia between 1995 anhd 2000. v. 1
In certain parts of the United States, teenagers cannot go out after a particular hour of the night without the supervision of an adult. In my opinion, this is justified because adolescents are too young to keep themselves safe and secure at all times. Keeping teenagers confined to their homes during the late hours of the night is beneficial for them. If they go out alone during this time, they are more likely to come into contact with criminals and paedophiles. For example, the drug mafia target new ‘customers’ under the cover of darkness. If teenagers are out alone, they are more likely to fall into such traps without realizing the consequences of their actions. They may start using drugs out of curiosity and eventually become addicted. Sexual predators also target children and teenagers who are alone at night. Young people cannot distinguish between good and bad relationships and may land themselves in trouble by befriending such people. Such situations will not arise if they spend the night. On the other hand, if teenagers are accompanied by an adult, they are less likely to be approached by criminals. This protects them from many evils. Also, the parent or guardian who accompanies the children can keep a tab on their activities and warn them when they cross the limits. In conclusion, this ‘curfew’ that prevents teens from going out of their home alone at late night is beneficial for them and protects them from crime and bad company. Since teenagers are too young to understand what is right or wrong, they need the care and protection of an adult when they are in vulnerable circumstances.
In certain parts of the United States,
teenagers
cannot go out after a particular hour of the
night
without the supervision of an adult. In my opinion, this
is justified
because
adolescents are too young to
keep
themselves safe and secure at all times.

Keeping
teenagers
confined to their homes during the late hours of the
night
is beneficial for them. If they go out
alone
during this time, they are more likely to
come
into contact with criminals and
paedophiles
.
For example
, the drug mafia target new ‘customers’ under the cover of darkness. If
teenagers
are out
alone
, they are more likely to fall into such traps without realizing the consequences of their actions. They may
start
using drugs out of curiosity and
eventually
become addicted. Sexual predators
also
target children and
teenagers
who are
alone
at
night
. Young
people
cannot distinguish between
good
and
bad
relationships and may land themselves in trouble by befriending such
people
. Such situations will not arise if they spend the night.

On the other hand
, if
teenagers
are accompanied
by an adult, they are less likely to
be approached
by criminals. This protects them from
many
evils.
Also
, the parent or guardian who accompanies the children can
keep
a tab on their activities and warn them when they cross the limits.

In conclusion
, this ‘curfew’ that
prevents
teens from going out of their home
alone
at late
night
is beneficial for them and protects them from crime and
bad
company
. Since
teenagers
are too young to understand what is right or
wrong
, they need the care and protection of an adult when they are in vulnerable circumstances.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay The graph shows the amount of money spent on books in Germany, France, Italy and Australia between 1995 anhd 2000. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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