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In any field of endeavour, it is impossible to make a significant contribution without first being strongly influenced by past achievements within that field. v.2

In any field of endeavour, it is impossible to make a significant contribution without first being strongly influenced by past achievements within that field. v. 2
In psychology it is famous said that positive reinforcement results in more positive action. Irrespective of the field, when an individual come across previous achievements and success automatically get motivated to produce more success in that field. I strongly support this notion and the reasons are stated below. Several times it has been seen that past achievements and records act as a catalyser for future success. First of all, in the field of medical sciences day in and day out many researches are getting conducted. Successful implementation of one study on patients encourage clinicians to plan and carry out further researches in that area. Thus, it helps in both individual and professional growth. For an example, at past when no investigations were available to see internal structures of the body to diagnose various diseases, Rhoentgen’s invention of X-ray machine to visualise bone, lungs made a significant contribution in medical sciences and after that researchers have developed Magnetic resonance imaging, Functional magnetic resonance imaging and many more to see minutely different tissues of our body. Secondly, the same applies in the field of sports as well. Before 1983 Indians were least interested in watching and playing cricket. However, after the winning of first cricket world cup many cricketers like Sachin Tendulkar and Sourav Ganguly were motivated to play for the nation and they have changed the cricket sport scenario in India. That past achievement not only helped India to create more better cricketer but also made India to lift the second world cup. Moreover, country’s economical growth is getting increased by virtue of cricket. Additionally, in the field of technology, business, start up, marketing everywhere we can see how the previous success and performance is motivating to execute more and therefore helping the individual to flourish. To conclude, in my opinion individual and in any professional field, success is completely dependent on past achievement and that further leads to more achievements which move on a cyclic manner.
In
The comma is probably missing here: "psychology, it".
psychology it
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
said that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
reinforcement results in more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
action. Irrespective of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
, when an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across previous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achievements
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
automatically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
motivated to produce more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
. I
strongly
support this notion and the reasons
are stated
below.

Several times it has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achievements
and records act as a
Possible spelling mistake found.
catalyser
for future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
of medical
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "sciences'" or "science's"?
sciences
day in and day out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
researches are getting conducted. Successful implementation of one study on patients encourage clinicians to plan and carry out
further
researches in that area.
Thus
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
and professional growth. For an example, at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
when no investigations were available to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
internal structures of the body to diagnose various diseases,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Rhoentgen
’s invention of X-ray machine to
Possible spelling mistake. 'visualise' is British English.
visualise
bone, lungs made a significant contribution in medical sciences and after that researchers have developed Magnetic resonance imaging, Functional magnetic resonance imaging and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
minutely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
tissues of our body.
Secondly
, the same applies in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
of sports
as well
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
1983 Indians were least interested in watching and playing cricket.
However
, after the winning of
first
cricket world cup
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cricketers like
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sachin
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tendulkar
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sourav
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ganguly
were motivated
to play for the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
nation and
they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the cricket sport scenario in India. That
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achievement
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
India to create
Use only "better" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more better
cricketer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
made India to lift the second world cup.
Moreover
, country’s
Did you mean "economic" (=connected with economy)?
economical
growth is getting increased by virtue of cricket.

Additionally
, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
of technology, business,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
up, marketing everywhere we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
how the previous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
and performance is motivating to execute more and
therefore
helping the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
to flourish.

To conclude
, in my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
and in any professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is completely dependent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achievement
and that
further
leads to more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achievements
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
on a cyclic manner.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay In any field of endeavour, it is impossible to make a significant contribution without first being strongly influenced by past achievements within that field. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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