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The graph below shows the amount of electricity produced from different energy sources to supply the city of New York between 1980 and 2000. v.1

The graph below shows the amount of electricity produced from different energy sources to supply the city of New York between 1980 and 2000. v. 1
Nowadays, the population has been vastly increasing around the world. In a few countries, it is reported that the ratio of young people has overtaken people of older age. This essay will discuss the merits and demerits of the effects caused by this population imbalance. In my opinion, I believe that the advantage of having a higher number of young generations outweighs its disadvantages. The disadvantage of having a larger ratio of younger people in a country would be the rapid increase in the population in upcoming years, which would translate to more occupancy over existing land. In China, for example, a tax is imposed over couples on the birth of their second child, to encourage the couples to limit their family to only a single child. This way, it would help the country to control the population. Hence, a larger number of young people will lead to a further increase in the ratio between the age groups. Despite this disadvantage, the increased number of young people can be very beneficial for the country’s economic sector. To begin with, higher the ratio of young people, higher would be the workforce of that country. In India, for instance, a huge number of adult people in their early years are working in different industries as well as earning through freelancing. Moreover, many foreign companies have developed their factories in the country because of the huge workforce available. As a result of this, they are financially benefiting their country by earning foreign exchanges. In conclusion, in a country where the number of young citizens outweighs their older number, although there can be an increase in the population, but this cause, also contributes to the country’s financial growth. In my opinion, I entirely believe that the advantages of such a situation easily overcome its disadvantages.
Nowadays, the
population
has been
vastly
increasing around the world. In a few
countries
, it
is reported
that the
ratio
of
young
people
has overtaken
people
of older age. This essay will discuss the merits and demerits of the effects caused by this
population
imbalance. In my opinion, I believe that the advantage of having a higher
number
of
young
generations outweighs its disadvantages.

The disadvantage of having a larger
ratio
of younger
people
in a
country
would be the rapid increase in the
population
in upcoming years, which would translate to more occupancy over existing land. In China,
for example
, a tax
is imposed
over couples on the birth of their second child, to encourage the couples to limit their family to
only
a single child. This way, it would
help
the
country
to control the
population
.
Hence
, a larger
number
of
young
people
will lead to a
further
increase in the
ratio
between the age groups.

Despite this disadvantage, the increased
number
of
young
people
can be
very
beneficial for the
country’s
economic sector. To
begin
with, higher the
ratio
of
young
people
, higher would be the workforce of that
country
. In India,
for instance
, a huge
number
of adult
people
in their early years are working in
different
industries
as well
as earning through freelancing.
Moreover
,
many
foreign
companies
have developed their factories in the
country
because
of the huge workforce available.
As a result
of this, they are
financially
benefiting their
country
by earning foreign exchanges.

In conclusion
, in a
country
where the
number
of
young
citizens outweighs their older
number
, although there can be an increase in the
population
,
but
this cause,
also
contributes to the
country’s
financial growth. In my opinion, I
entirely
believe that the advantages of such a situation
easily
overcome its disadvantages.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The graph below shows the amount of electricity produced from different energy sources to supply the city of New York between 1980 and 2000. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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