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The graph below shows the amount of electricity produced from different energy sources to supply the city of New York between 1980 and 2000. v.1

The graph below shows the amount of electricity produced from different energy sources to supply the city of New York between 1980 and 2000. v. 1
Nowadays, the population has been vastly increasing around the world. In a few countries, it is reported that the ratio of young people has overtaken people of older age. This essay will discuss the merits and demerits of the effects caused by this population imbalance. In my opinion, I believe that the advantage of having a higher number of young generations outweighs its disadvantages. The disadvantage of having a larger ratio of younger people in a country would be the rapid increase in the population in upcoming years, which would translate to more occupancy over existing land. In China, for example, a tax is imposed over couples on the birth of their second child, to encourage the couples to limit their family to only a single child. This way, it would help the country to control the population. Hence, a larger number of young people will lead to a further increase in the ratio between the age groups. Despite this disadvantage, the increased number of young people can be very beneficial for the country’s economic sector. To begin with, higher the ratio of young people, higher would be the workforce of that country. In India, for instance, a huge number of adult people in their early years are working in different industries as well as earning through freelancing. Moreover, many foreign companies have developed their factories in the country because of the huge workforce available. As a result of this, they are financially benefiting their country by earning foreign exchanges. In conclusion, in a country where the number of young citizens outweighs their older number, although there can be an increase in the population, but this cause, also contributes to the country’s financial growth. In my opinion, I entirely believe that the advantages of such a situation easily overcome its disadvantages.
Nowadays, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
has been
vastly
increasing around the world. In a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, it
is reported
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ratio
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
has overtaken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of older age. This essay will discuss the merits and demerits of the effects caused by this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
imbalance. In my opinion, I believe that the advantage of having a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generations outweighs its disadvantages.

The disadvantage of having a larger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ratio
of younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
would be the rapid increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
in upcoming years, which would translate to more occupancy over existing land. In China,
for example
, a tax
is imposed
over couples on the birth of their second child, to encourage the couples to limit their family to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a single child. This way, it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to control the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
.
Hence
, a larger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will lead to a
further
increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ratio
between the age groups.

Despite this disadvantage, the increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
economic sector. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, higher the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ratio
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, higher would be the workforce of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. In India,
for instance
, a huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their early years are working in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
industries
as well
as earning through freelancing.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
foreign
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have developed their factories in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the huge workforce available.
As a result
of this, they are
financially
benefiting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
by earning foreign exchanges.

In conclusion
, in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
citizens outweighs their older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
, although there can be an increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this cause,
also
contributes to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
financial growth. In my opinion, I
entirely
believe that the advantages of such a situation
easily
overcome its disadvantages.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
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Virginia Woolf

IELTS essay The graph below shows the amount of electricity produced from different energy sources to supply the city of New York between 1980 and 2000. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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