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the chart below shows the percentage of male and female who did various free-time activities in England in 2006 v.1

the chart below shows the percentage of male and female who did various free-time activities in England in 2006 v. 1
It is a fact that motor vehicle accidents tend to increase annually; therefore, it is necessary for governments worldwide to apply proper strategies to prevent car accidents. Some people suggest that governments should increase the minimum legal age to obtain the legal drive license in order to enhance road safety. I strongly agree with this suggestion and the essay will discuss my view. To begin with, increasing the minimum age to be a legal driver is crucial to promote road safety worldwide. Firstly, teenagers tend to have fragile mental capacities which make them high-risk drivers. Only when they mature enough and have better capacities to control their mood, they are allowed to drive independently in order to reduce car accidents. Besides, nowadays, traffic systems tend to become more complex over the world, especially in the inner cities.  The tough driving conditions require all drivers’ to stay calm during driving. However, it is difficult for teenagers to stay calm during urgent situations as driving. For example, in Canada, teenagers are allowed to drive legally at the age of 16 years old with restriction; while, these teenagers are too young to being able to respond quickly to urgent situations during diving which may put them at risk to involve into car accidents. Therefore, increasing the age of 18 years old should be considered in Canada. In addition, nowadays, teenagers face more challenges during their daily lives. They tend to be vulnerable to nurture negative habits such drinking  or doing drugs before driving. Moreover, mental health issues are much common among all inhabitants and also cause detrimental efficacy to their fitness for driving, especially for younger ones.  Finally, the minimum legal age should be various in terms of individual national situations. For instance, in Chinese metropolitans, 18 years old is a muss standard for the youth to attend driving school and test because of Chinese complex road systems. If the youth has suffered from mental health issues, the proper legal age to become a drive should be increased in order to protect the public. In conclusion, in order to keep motor vehicle accident as low as possible to promote safe driving, governments At least 18 years old is a reasonable age for the health youth; while, for the ones with mental health issues, the legal ages to drive should be increased due to the above reasons. Proper driving rules will enhance national happiness of the public.
It is a fact that motor vehicle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tend
to increase
annually
;
therefore
, it is necessary for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
worldwide to apply proper strategies to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suggest that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should increase the minimum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
legal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
to obtain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
legal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drive
license in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to enhance road safety. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this suggestion and the essay will discuss my view.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, increasing the minimum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
legal
driver is crucial to promote road safety worldwide.
Firstly
,
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teenagers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tend
to have fragile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
capacities which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them high-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
drivers.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
when they mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
and have better capacities to control their mood, they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drive
independently
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
.
Besides
, nowadays, traffic systems
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tend
to become more complex over the world,
especially
in the inner cities.  The tough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
conditions require all drivers’ to stay calm during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
.
However
, it is difficult for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
to stay calm during urgent situations as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
.
For example
, in Canada,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drive
legally
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 16 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
with restriction; while, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
are too young to being able to respond
quickly
 to urgent situations during diving which may put them at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
to involve into car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
.
Therefore
, increasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 18 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
should
be considered
in Canada.

In addition
, nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
face more challenges during their daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. They
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tend
to be vulnerable to nurture
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
habits such drinking
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
or doing drugs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues are much common among all inhabitants and
also
cause detrimental efficacy to their fitness for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
,
especially
for younger ones.  
Finally
, the minimum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
legal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
should be various in terms of individual national situations.
For instance
, in Chinese metropolitans, 18 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
is a muss standard for the youth to attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
school and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of Chinese complex road systems. If the youth has suffered from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues, the proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
legal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
to become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drive
should
be increased
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to protect the public.

In conclusion
, in
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order
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
motor vehicle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accident
as low as possible to promote safe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
At least 18 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
is a reasonable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
youth; while, for the ones with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
legal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drive
should
be increased
due to the above reasons. Proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
will enhance national happiness of the public.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay the chart below shows the percentage of male and female who did various free-time activities in England in 2006 v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
400 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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