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the graph belo sho s the proportion of the population aged 65 and over bet een 1940 and 2040 n three different countries v.1

the graph belo sho s the proportion of the population aged 65 and over bet een 1940 and 2040 n three different countries v. 1
The use of various forms of transportation has become a major debate in both developed and undeveloped countrys. Many individuals these days have resulted to the use of vehicles as a means of transportation, which in turn has lead to a decrease in the use of bicycles. This essay will discuss the major reason which is, easy transportation, as well as, the way bicycles, as a means of transport can be encouraged which is majorly by public awareness. The main reason why cars are frequently been used is majorly for easy movement. In other words, a car would get a person or a family from point A to point B easily and faster without having to either stop or, slow down. Take for example, a family of 5, going to the local park, would rather than each taking different bicycles, would just take one car that would get them to the park at the same time. Hence, having a vehicle as a means of transport not only makes life easier but also fast. The use of bicycles can be encouraged by providing public awareness about the dangers of smoke from vehicles. Take for instance, the Save the Air campaign, which aired in 2010 for about 7 months. This campaign aimed at educating the general public about the various causes of air pollution. A research carried out about 6 months after showed, a decline in the purchase of vehicles as more individuals took either public transports or bicycles. Thus, informing the public about dangers of air pollutants such as smoke would increase the use of other means of transportations. In conclusion, if the government would educate the general public, this would decrease the use of cars, and increase the use of bicycles as a means of transport.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of various forms of transportation has become a major debate in both developed and undeveloped
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "countries", the plural form of the noun 'country'?
countrys
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
individuals these days have resulted to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
means
of transportation, which in turn has lead to a decrease in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycles
. This essay will discuss the major reason which is, easy transportation,
as well
as, the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycles
, as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
means
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
can
be encouraged
which is
majorly
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
awareness.

The main reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
are
frequently
been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
is
majorly
for easy movement.
In other words
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a person or a family from point A to point B
easily
and faster without having to either
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
or, slow down. Take
for example
, a family of 5, going to the local park, would
rather
than each taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycles
, would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
take one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
that would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
them to the park at the same time.
Hence
, having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicle
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
means
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
life easier
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
.

The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycles
can
be encouraged
by providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
awareness about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of smoke from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
. Take
for instance
, the Save the Air campaign, which aired in 2010 for about 7 months. This campaign aimed at educating the general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
about the various causes of air pollution.
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
A research
carried out about 6 months after
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
, a decline in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
as more individuals took either
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transports
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycles
.
Thus
, informing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of air pollutants such as smoke would increase the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
means
of transportations.

In conclusion
, if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
would educate the general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
, this would decrease the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
, and increase the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycles
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
means
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay the graph belo sho s the proportion of the population aged 65 and over bet een 1940 and 2040 n three different countries v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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