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Some believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. Do you agree or disagree. v.2

Children are the backbone of every country. So, there are people who tend to believe that youngsters should be encouraged to initiate social work as it will results in flourished society and individualistic growth of youngsters themselves. I, too believe that this motivation has more benefits than its drawbacks. IELTS WRITING TASK 2 QUESTIONSTo begin with, social work by children can be easily associated with personality development because during this drive, they tend to communicate with variety of people, leads to polished verbal skills. For example, if they start convincing rural people to send their children in school they have to be such a convincing attitude along with developed verbal skills to deal with diverse kind of people there. This improved skill will help them lifelong in every arena. Apart from this, the true values of life like tolerance, patience, team spirit, cooperation can be learnt. Besides that, young mind serve the country with full enthusiasm that gives them feeling of fulfillment and self satisfaction. This worthiness for themselves brim them with self confidence and patriotic feeling. Moreover, going and experiencing multiple culture and tradition make their horizon so broad that add one more feather in their cap. However, It is truly said, no rose without thrones. Can the drawbacks of this initiation be ignored? Children go to school, participate indifferent curriculum activities, endure the pressure of peers, parents, and teachers and in competitive world they should not be expected to serve society without their self benefits. This kind of pressure might bring resentment in their mind. In conclusion I believe, notion of teenager doing unpaid work is indeed good but proper monitoring and care should be given to avoid untoward consequences.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are the backbone of every country.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who tend to believe that youngsters should
be encouraged
to initiate social work as it will
The modal verb ‘will’ requires the verb’s base form.
results
in flourished society and individualistic growth of youngsters themselves. I,
Did you mean “to believe”?
too believe
that this motivation has more benefits than its drawbacks.

IELTS WRITING TASK 2
Possible spelling mistake found.
QUESTIONSTo
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, social work by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can be
easily
associated with personality development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
during this drive, they tend to communicate with variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, leads to polished verbal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For example
, if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
convincing rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in school they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be such a convincing attitude along with developed verbal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to deal with diverse kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
there. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them lifelong in every arena. Apart from this, the true values of life like tolerance, patience, team spirit, cooperation can be
Possible spelling mistake. ‘learnt’ is British English.
learnt
.
Besides
that, young mind serve the country with full enthusiasm that gives them feeling of fulfillment and
This word is normally spelled with a hyphen.
self satisfaction
. This worthiness for themselves brim them with
This word is normally spelled with a hyphen.
self confidence
and patriotic feeling.
Moreover
, going and experiencing multiple culture and tradition
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their horizon
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
broad that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
one more feather in their cap.

However
, It is
truly
said, no rose without thrones. Can the drawbacks of this initiation be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
?
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
go to school, participate indifferent curriculum activities, endure the pressure of peers, parents, and teachers and in competitive world they should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to serve society without their self benefits. This kind of pressure might bring resentment in their mind.

In
The comma is probably missing here: “conclusion, I”.
conclusion I
believe, notion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
doing unpaid work is
indeed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
proper monitoring and care should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to avoid untoward consequences.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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