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The government's investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.4

The government's investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. v. 4
The authority waste money for financing in craft, tune, and theatre. While there are some other industry sectors which need more funds for instance, in public service such as public transportation. The experts say based on their observations, they state that the state has spent much money on contribution in art, music and theatre. Based on their notes, the Indonesian people are not interested in craft, music and opera. For example young generation prefer playing games on their phone, than watching opera, or music concert. The facts many theatres have been shut for a few years like the Opera Van Java, and the extravaganza, as the rwsult of people who are less interested in watching a play in the theatre. Based on data in January 2020, the big city get increase in vehicles. Thousands of private cars, motorcycle, rise air pollution. One way to reduce those vehicles is providing public transportation such as MRT, Transjakarta, and train. MRT the cheap express train which cover many areas can be a good option for those who choose to reach different distance area fast. Moreover, the cheap ticket, and comfortable will be the first choice to go. Furthermore, financing in Transjakarta is much more useful because the bus can reach many areas which cannot be reached by MRT. Therefore, many people will choose this cheap bus for the ticket to go after they go out from MRT. The reasons why the state will be better to invest some funds in public transport are: the first, it can reduce the use of private vehicles, the second, decrease the air pollution, the third, give more space on the road to prevent traffic jams, and the last one is providing people with public shipment which is cheap and can be reached, also used by all people. Another important reason is people pay when they are using public transport, which will increase the country finance. In conclusion, I do really agree that authority will be much better to invest the funds in the public transportation sector rather than art, music and theatre, because art, music, and opera do not give the result of the investment, but it is absolutely a waste of money. In spite of it, invest in public shipping is much more valuable and useful.
The authority waste money for financing in craft, tune, and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other industry sectors which need more funds
for instance
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
service such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transportation.

The experts say based on their observations, they state that the state has spent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
money on contribution in art,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
. Based on their notes, the Indonesian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not interested in craft,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opera
.
For example
young generation prefer playing games on their phone,
Did you mean "then"?
than
watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opera
, or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
concert. The facts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
have
been shut
for a few years like the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Opera
Van Java, and the extravaganza, as the
Possible spelling mistake found.
rwsult
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are less interested in watching a play in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
.

Based on data in January 2020, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
city
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
increase in vehicles. Thousands of private cars, motorcycle, rise air pollution. One way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
those vehicles is providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transportation such as MRT,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Transjakarta
, and train. MRT the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cheap
express train which cover
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
areas can be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
option for those who choose to reach
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
distance area
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cheap
ticket, and comfortable will be the
first
choice to go.
Furthermore
, financing in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Transjakarta
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
more useful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the bus can reach
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
areas which cannot
be reached
by MRT.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will choose this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cheap
bus for the ticket to go after they go out from MRT.

The reasons why the state will be better to invest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
funds in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transport are: the
first
, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of private vehicles, the second, decrease the air pollution, the third, give more space on the road to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
traffic jams, and the last one is providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
shipment which is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cheap
and can
be reached
,
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
pay when they are using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transport, which will increase the country finance.

In conclusion
, I do
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that authority will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
better to invest the funds in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transportation sector
rather
than art,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
art,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opera
do not give the result of the investment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is
absolutely
a waste of money.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
it, invest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
shipping is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
more valuable and useful.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay The government's investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
380 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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